Surviving a New World with a Side of Sarcasm
by usmccanthem
Summary: Akira Yamichi wasn't there to change the world for the better, hell she'd never even heard of Naruto before she met him. Yet, she was thrown into the world of magical ninjas, and she was going to do her darndest to survive. Full summary inside! Rated T for language!
1. Chapter 1

_Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto..._

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**Description:** Akira Yamichi wasn't anything special. She didn't have some freaky chakra disease. She wasn't an all powerful ninja. Heck, her real name isn't even Akira Yamichi! And if you asked her about Naruto she would respond: "The cute little blond kid next door." She wasn't there to change to the world she hadn't even known existed; she didn't even want to be here. However she was going to do everything she could to survive this crazy world full of insane magical ninjas, no matter what the stakes. With her sarcastic and laidback attitude, and not to mention wandering sanity, she might just do it. Self-insert with a slight twist. Minor Kakashi/OC.

Legend:

"Blurg." - Regular conversations

_'Blarg.' _- thoughts

All conversations are to be read like they are speaking Japanese.

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My day was shot to Tartarus. I was screwed and probably going to be pushing up poises quite soon. But you don't know why, do you? How about I elucidate ya?

Everything started like always; I woke up at six and then waited for the alarm clock to go off 45 minutes later. Why would I wake up at six? Well, when I was thirteen I decided that I should wake up progressively earlier every single day until I was waking up at four in the morning (mostly so that I could get used to waking up for morning practice). This made me become a morning person and now always wake up at least half an hour earlier than my alarm clock no matter what. But enough of that…

Anyway after I had breakfast and done my morning routine – meaning I spent half an hour staring at nothing, interesting I know – I was on my way to school. I'm in university, and had to take the bus; not having a car and all. I went through my classes as normal, doodling and pretending to listen to the Professors while trying not to giggle at my two friends beside me. I know I only have two friends, pretty sad. But it's true. I wasn't popular, never was.

After my classes were out of the way, I had to book it to the bus again so I wouldn't be late to practice. I know I mentioned it earlier and I guess you're wondering what I'm practicing. Am I some superstar soccer player, or a badass baseball player? Or maybe I'm some cheerleader? No, actually I'm on a competitive swim team. Don't scoff, do you see those abs! I'm not the one blushing whenever a guy strips to his boxers, I also don't give a damn when changing in front of others. I'm pretty sure those are the only positives of swimming. I mean you get all sore after practice and have to run in dryland; we're swimmers, not runners!

Ah, well, I guess it's safe to say that I completely died after dryland before we hopped into the pool. I'm not graceful out of the water, I'm kind of like Victor Krum on land, but I'm a girl and have a normal nose. Swimming is the only way I get any exercise, it kept me from getting out of shape; even if you can't tell when I run.

But by now you must be wondering when my day gets weird. I mean, so far I've had a normal day; nothing particularly special about it. However, it was soon about to change.

I had to work after swimming – my days are a little packed – so I was in the car with one of my fellow swimmers. Not my friend, just together in our respective jobs at Mr. M's Barbeque restaurant. I hated that he had a car, while I didn't, especially since he's a horrible driver. That fact caused my day to change forever.

We were on the highway, speeding if the speedometer at 110 km/h was any indication. I was holding the 'oh shit' bar, and hoping that we would make it to work alive like I always did. But for once I had a right to worry. As I'm pretty sure that we weren't supposed to see headlights in front of us.

After that was a mirage of pain, but I couldn't black out; I was distracted by the changing colours. It had been around seven when we were hit – night out because of winter coming – and now it was bright and green all around me. However, I wasn't used to pain; I generally avoided it at all costs besides the occasional soreness. I couldn't concentrate on my surroundings; I _hurt so badly, _it was unexpected; unwanted. I tried to avoid thinking about it, but it throbbed to life every time I managed to relax.

Then his face came into view, or as much of it I could see, which wasn't much. His dark eye (I was delirious, give me a break on the minor details) stared at me critically, while his other eye was covered with a headband; a mask of the same dark colour covered the rest of his face.

"Usagi," he barked out, with a foreign lit to it, making me guess he was from the east. "Ryokō suru kanojo wa jūbun ni iyasu.*" He spoke in a language that I was familiar with, but couldn't place because of the pain. I blacked out after that, but I remember the hard look in the man's eye. A look I'd seen in my father's face when he talked about his time in the army. The look of a soldier, a killer: a survivor.

**.**

**...**

**.**

There, so you know how my normal day when to the Underworld and back. Honestly, I'm pretty confused about what's happening. I'm in a cell, but I'm healed. Or at least I think I'm all healed, but it still hurts like a bitch. I tried to sit up, and did so while wincing and whimpering liberally. I tried not to think about the pain; much easier now that I was healed. Instead, I focused on things that distract me. I began to hum the Harry Potter theme as well as I could without aggravating my injuries. It allowed me to think and to look around, to pretend that nothing was wrong.

I looked at the walls, there was a weird symbol on the wall, and it looked like kanji. '_Hmm,'_ I thought, _'I'm suddenly very thankful that Aisa was my friend.'_ Now you may be wondering what that has to do with anything, but it means a lot. Aisa was my best friend in elementary school and was Japanese. She and her family spoke Japanese at home, and they dedicated the time to teach me it as well. It is my second language instead of French like my grandmother had wished. I was pretty sure that if kanji was on the wall, they probably spoke Japanese as well. At least that was what I was hoping.

Before I could think anymore the door to my cell slammed open. A woman in a fishnet shirt, trench coat and orange skirt stood in the doorway. I paused in my humming, taking in her spiky purple hair and anticipatory smile. I suddenly was quite afraid.

Her loud voice echoed around the room when she spoke, "Get up and follow me bitch." Then she stalked out to the hall with an evil glint in her eyes. I was, however, right when I thought that the people here would speak Japanese; I wasn't quite sure that I was in Japan though.

I was pissed, but gritted my teeth and followed her, not letting the tears of pain fall. I followed behind the purple haired woman, idly noticing the two people in masks gliding behind me. I twitched at their appearances, the idea of being in Japan was becoming smaller and smaller.

We went into another room with two chairs and a table. I noticed that there was a two way mirror, and guessed that I would be questioned like I saw in action movies. I would've grinned, having always wanted to be in an interrogation room before, if I wasn't so freaked out and in so much agony.

"Sit," the woman demanded of me, pointing to the seat facing the mirror. I nodded and sat gingerly across from her. "Who are you?" She asked me with a sneer.

"Yamichi Akira," I answered softly. It was my name as much as Kayla Angus was. I'd been called that by Aisa and her parents when I was a kid, them trying to make a more Japanese sounding name so I would fit in. Eventually I started to introduce myself as it for fun; it just stuck.

The woman assessed me with sharp eyes. I'm sure that she wouldn't miss anything. "Why are you here?"

"I don't know," I answered again. When she looked at me in disbelief I added, "I don't even know where here is, or where I am. All I remember is pain and seeing green." I told her truthfully.

The woman sneered at me, placing her hands on the table to lean in closer to me, "I don't believe you."

"I'm sorry," I told her softly, shifting slightly when one of my wounds flared. "But I'm telling you the truth."

She scoffed and left the room in a huff. I sighed and place my head in my hands, wincing when a wound on my back stretched. Muttering under my breath I said, "If I ever get home, I'm never trusting Danny ever again. I don't care if we work together. It's all that bastards fault." I ran a hand through my short hair, frowning in disgust when I hit a clump of tangled hair. I looked at my hand and was horrified to see dried blood on it. I shuddered and quickly shoved in under the table so I wouldn't have to look at it. I began to hum again, my voice slightly high in my panic. I didn't like blood; at all.

As I finally calmed down, the down opened gently. I wondered if the woman was back, but I guessed she would've used excessive force like last time. I wasn't all that surprised to see another person walk through the door. He, as I'm sure it was a male, had long blonde hair pulled into a high pony tail. He had angular features and wore an open black trench coat and a grey outfit under it. _'Are trench coats all the rage here?' _I wondered with morbid curiosity.

"Hello Yamichi-san," The man said politely. I nodded with a smile, once again stopping my humming to be polite. "I am Yamanaka Inoichi," he introduced himself. "Now I'm going to need you to be calm." He told me in a soothing tone.

I shot him a confused look, but when he didn't elaborate, I took a deep breath and relaxed. I continued to be calm, eyes closing, when he placed a hand on my head. I heard a mutter before everything went blank once again.

I'm not sure how much time had passed before I found myself in a green forest. It reminded me of my favourite park at home, except for the fact that there were pictures hanging off of trees and bushes. I looked around me, full of confusion and just a little fear, _'Did they throw me into a forest?' _

Before I could start panicking, the voice of Yamanaka-san came from behind me, "Welcome Yamichi-san, to your mind."

I let out a quick burst of laughter, "I'm sorry, but that just sounded so weird." I told him as he looked at me in amusement. "I won't ask how you got here," I said with a sober voice. "But I will ask why you are here," I looked at him for answers.

He smiled, but it held no mirth and didn't reach his eyes. "I'm here to make sure you aren't a threat to my village and to see if you are telling the truth." His voice was sharp with threats, and I was suddenly thankful that I wasn't a threat to the village, whatever it was.

"Well," I said with a shake of my head to clear it. "Go ahead and do what you do, I'll be at the stream." I said, pointing in the direction where a stream in the real park was. He nodded and walked over to a picture frame while I idly walked through the forest.

To be honest I was quite surprised at the representation of my brain. I was expecting it to be a pool or maybe my bedroom or something. _'Well, at least it's peaceful,'_ I thought while I stared down at the moving water. Eventually I noticed my surroundings fading away, and allowed myself to drift away with a sigh, guessing that Yamanaka-san was finished with his freaky mind-reading technique.

**.**

**...**

**.**

When I came to I wasn't in a cell or the interrogation room. Instead I was in a blinding white hospital room. I blinked my eyes to stop myself from becoming blind. I sat up slowly, wary of my injuries, but was surprised when I felt nothing but a mild tingle; it was as if I had just finished a hard practice. I guessed that I hadn't been fully healed earlier and was quite thankful that I wasn't in quite so much pain. Looking around curiously I noticed that everything was quite behind the times. It was quite strange to not see so many machines in a hospital room. I hadn't needed to go to the hospital myself, but my mom once had to get surgery on her knees, and my grandpa had died in a hospital, so I knew what it was supposed to look like.

I was distracted from my musings when an older gentleman entered the room with two others following behind him. I couldn't focus on the other two because the older man had an air of power and command around him. With his large hat with a kanji for fire on it, red and white robes and sharp yet kind eyes, I thought that he must be a leader of some sort. With the way the two others deferred to him, I guessed that I was right.

Welcome, to Konoha Yamichi-san." He smiled kindly at me. I blinked at Konoha, obviously that is what this place is called. "I am the Sandaime Hokage, Sarutobi Hiruzen."

I smiled and inclined my head in lieu of a bow. "Thank you for the welcome and for allowing me to be healed Sarutobi-san."

He waved the thanks away with a wrinkled hand, "No thanks needed." He told me kindly, smiling widely. I wondered what I had said to make him so happy. "Now we need to discuss some specifics of your life here in Konoha." I sat up straighter and listened with rapt attention, gaining another smile. "You with be given an apartment and allowance until you are able to afford your bills through your own efforts." I frowned and opened my mouth to argue against that, but he cut me off before I could say a word. "The pay will only last for three months at most," he told me sternly and I relaxed at that. "Also Hatake-san here," Sarutobi-san waved to a man who had three quarters of his face covered. He looked familiar, but I couldn't place it. "Will be taking care of you for the first few weeks to help you settle in."

The grey haired man nodded in confirmation. I smiled at him, but said nothing on the subject, knowing he was just doing his job.

"Now I'm sure you're still tired, but I shall tell you that Neko-san," he motioned to the other person in the room. I jumped slightly, having not noticed the other was there because they were so silent. The person had long purple hair, and an almost female figure; though with the frumpy, yet obviously comfortable outfit the person was wearing it was hard to tell. Sarutobi-san continued as if I hadn't jumped, "Will be standing outside your door for your protection and will collect Hatake-san when you wake up later on today."

"That's fine," I said softly. "It was nice you meet you Sarutobi-san." I got another grin from him before he walked out the door, the two others following him. I wasn't paying attention, more focused on making myself comfortable to fall asleep. Sarutobi-san was right, I was exhausted. It had been a stressful and strange time so far and I was quite sure it would only get worse the longer I stayed in Konoha.

I had no idea how right I was.

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*"Rabbit, heal her enough for travel." – I used Google translate, so any mistakes aren't my fault. I can't speak Japanese.

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**A/N:**

This is my attempt of self-insert type fic (and let me tell you, writing first person took some effort). It has many similarities to my fic "Reason for Living" (which I now find to be a weird title...) because it was, at first, an expansion of it (thus the same character name, similar beginning and all that). However, as I kept on writing, I realized that I probably wouldn't be able to keep the angst filled person that I had originally created; I'm just not an angsty person and haven't been since I was fifteen.

I know that some of you may have questions about why physical torture wasn't used during Akira's interrogation. Well, there is a large difference between a civilian and a ninja. You wouldn't treat them the same, no matter what you're trying to get out of them. There would be political ramifications for the T&I department if it was to be found out that they tortured a person who wasn't actually a danger to anyone; especially if they are a civilian. So, instead a safer, simpler way was used to get the information needed without any harm done.

Secondly, you also must be wondering (if you care that is) why Akira is so blase about having someone in her mind. Wouldn't a normal person ask about it? Well, this is a self-insert, so I use my own reactions. I'm a shy person at heart, and I've always had a difficulty asking questions. So, I would skip the things that they would think are stupid, or seem like everyday things. For example, I would react to someone running on roof tops (in Naruto) or shooting off spells from a wand (in Harry Potter), but I wouldn't ask questions about how or why they did what they did. I would most likely watch and see, taking in the reactions of others, and eventually piece together what was happening (this leads to me being behind the times compared to many others, but it is the way I am). Alright, rant over...

Anywho, I'm just wondering if I should continue with this, or should I just dump it. Honestly I have a second chapter written for this already, but I nothing really invested in this, so I'm willing to swing either way.

Please let me know your thoughts,

USMCcAnthem


	2. Chapter 2

_Disclaimer: I'm not a good enough artist to even be considered the owner of Naruto..._

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Legend:

"Blurg." - Regular conversations

_'Blarg.' _- thoughts

_Blah _- Letter

All conversations are to be read like they are speaking Japanese.

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This place was just too weird, first mind reading guys in trench coats and now this!

I'm pretty sure that my heart wasn't going to make it. A dude just jumped onto the roof of a five story building like it was nothing, and nobody even looked at him funny! Like what the Hades? I inched closer to Hatake-san as he weaved easily through the crowded streets, and hand around my arm to make sure I wouldn't get lost. Every so often he would point to a building or street, highlighting places I would more than likely need to know of while I lived in Konoha. I was having doubts about wanting to live here, but I didn't voice them. I decided that I would just take everything in stride and find out answers on my own, if only because I was too embarrassed to ask.

I sighed in happiness when Hatake-san told me that we had reached my apartment building. It was quite large, and pink, but I guess beggars can't be choosers. "How many people live in the building?" I asked quietly as we walked up the steps.

"Five I think," Hatake-san said carelessly as he scratched the back of his head. "Not many people want to live here."

I frowned. "I get that it's a little run down," I said while gesturing to the dingy walls and worn out carpet. "But that's never stopped people back home."

Hatake-san looked at me with his only visible eye, "It's not the condition, but the person who lives here."

My frown deepened. That didn't really make a lot of sense to me, but I shrugged it off as an eccentricity of Konoha. "Well, I'm sure it will be fine, so long as they're not a pedophile or rapist or maybe a serial killer…" I trailed off thinking of reasons of why one would be uncomfortable with living in the same building as someone, not really noticing the amused look in Hatake-san's eye.

After we walked up another flight of stairs, we reached the top of the building and Hatake-san motioned to a door. "Here's your apartment and your key." He motioned disinterestedly to the door and handed me a plain looking key. "It's stocked with food and furniture, and someone took the liberty of buying clothes for you, so I'm sure you'll be fine. Ja ne!" He said cheerfully with a wave before disappearing with a poof of smoke.

I twitched at that. "Seriously?" I asked the empty hallway in exasperation. "What the Hades is with this place?" I sighed and ran a hand through my hair. I was extremely thankful for the shower I was able to have before leaving the hospital. No more blood in my hair.

Pushing the key into the look I memorized the apartment number so that I wouldn't try to enter another person's place. It happened to me once last year when I was asked to water my mom's friend's plants. I was just thankful that they didn't call the cops on me. Deciding that I had spent enough time loitering in the hall I pushed the door open and peaked inside.

It was a pretty normal apartment, at least to me. I had an open kitchen/living room area, a bathroom and bedroom with some storage space. The walls weren't in the greatest shape, but the floor was wood, and didn't seem to be warped or creak anywhere, so it was perfect. I looked through the kitchen and found in full of simple foods while I thanked Hera that I knew how to cook a number of different meals. I eyed the large purse on the counter with a note, but decided to check out the rest of the apartment before reading it.

The bedroom was pretty plain, I was happy to see that the bed was a twin and that there was a desk in it. The bathroom was pretty utilitarian with a small stand up shower, toilet and sink and a medicine cabinet. I turned on the water for the shower and sighed sadly when I noticed how weak the water pressure. It was worse than the pool showers! I quickly dried my hand off on my borrowed scrubs and went to look for towels to hang in the bathroom. Once I had done that, and made the apartment as comfortable as I possibly could, I went back to the note.

I laughed when I noticed that there was a chibi version of the woman who interrogated me first, holding up a peace sign. I laughed once more as I read the note:

_Yo Akira-chan!_

_This is the beautiful and magnificent Anko-sama here. I interrogated you earlier if you didn't know who I am, but I'm sure you could forget someone as awesome as me. I was the one who bought your clothes and stocked up your shit, so be thankful it wasn't Kakashi _('Who's Kakashi?' I wondered.) _or you would've gotten eggplant _('Ugh.')_ and guys undies!_

_So the purse here is full of your allowance granted by Hokage-sama _('Why would she call him that?') _so don't spend it all in one place._

_Ja ne!_

_The most sexy and amazing Anko-sama_

I opened the purse and counted out the money, but since I didn't understand the money system in Konoha I was completely lost on how much I actually had. After I just stuffed it into a drawer and started to cook dinner. It was around that time anyway. I had just started to cook the chicken when a knock sounded from my door. I blinked, startled, but turned off the burner just in case whoever was at the door took too much of my time.

Whatever I was expecting, it wasn't the blonde haired, blue eyed child in an orange jumpsuit. _'Why orange?' _I wondered, but I didn't say that. Instead I simply said, "Hello, I'm Yamichi Akira how can I help you?"

"Umm… I'm Uzumaki Naruto..." The boy said, looking at me with wide eyes. _'Are those whisker marks?' _I questioned mentally when I noticed his cheeks. _'How weird.'_

"So…" I started, looking at him in interest.

"Why are you here?" He blurted out loudly before he blushed and scratched the back of his head sheepishly.

I blinked at the sudden question, but smiled at his cuteness. "I just moved here today."

"Oh," he answered, his mouth making a comical 'o' shape.

I wanted to laugh, but I thought it would be quite rude so instead I asked, "So, where's your guardian?' I found it quite strange that this kid who couldn't have been older than twelve, had no adult to look over him, if not parents.

He looked down at the floor for a moment before inflating with energy. "I don't need a guardian," he told me with a cheerful smile. "I can take care of myself and have been for years."

I just barely stopped myself from gaping in disbelief. _'No guardian? What the Hades is this place?' _"I'm guessing you live on this floor then?" I asked, trying to push past my blunder.

"Yup," he chirped happily. "Right next door."

'Right," I said with a clap of my hands. I stared at him for a moment before asking, "Do you know if there is a pedophile, rapist or serial killer in this building?"

"Wh-why would ask something like that?" He demanded loudly as he flailed and sputtered with a red face. "No! There is not!" It took a couple seconds for him to calm down, then his face turning slightly confused. "What's a pedophile?" He asked innocently.

My face paled at the thought of explaining it to him, "Ah, well, you don't need to worry about it. I'm sure you'll never meet one."

**.**

**...**

**.**

Somewhere in Rice country Orochimaru sneezed.

**.**

**...**

**.**

"Oh, okay," he said happily. "Eh? If it was no big deal then why did you ask?" He wondered aloud in his boisterous voice.

I smiled at his question, "Ah, well, my guide told me that people don't want to live here because one person, so I thought that they were a rapist or something." I shrugged helplessly, not noticing the waves of depression that suddenly emanated from Naruto.

"It's because of me," he said in a small voice for the first time since I had met him. "They say I'm a demon."

I looked him up and down critically. Orange and blue jump suit: check. Spiky blonde hair: check. Big blue eyes: check. Cute whisker marks: check. Evil aura: nope. Horns: nada. Tail: zilch. "I don't see it," I deadpanned just as he began to turn around. "I mean, you don't seem particularly evil." I looked at him warily, "Unless you trying to get my guard down so you can kill me?"

"No!" He shouted, waving his arms in denial while shaking his head back and forth wildly. "I wouldn't do such a thing!"

"Oh," I said simply. "Well, do you want to join me for dinner then? I was making it before you knocked on the door." I ushered him in when he seemed inclined to stand dumbfounded outside my doorway, closing the door behind me. "Sit," I told him when I pushed him onto a barstool, not having a dining table in the apartment. "Stay," I ordered when he seemed inclined to get up and help me.

While I was turning on the burner to continue cooking the chicken, I thanked Apollo for the foresight to cook enough for two. Before it was just so that I could have leftovers for lunch tomorrow, but now it was so that I could be a good host. I hummed the Imperial March while I cooked, dancing around, enjoying the laughter from Naruto when I did something particularly silly. I grinned and winked at him when I served him.

"Eugh," he said looking at the plate. "Vegetables…" He dug in to the rice and chicken, but seemed inclined to ignore the asparagus.

I tsked at him waggling a finger at him, "None of that, you need to eat your vegetables so that you can get taller." I told him seriously, remembering when it was my mom saying this same talk to me. I felt a moment of sadness; I would miss my parents dearly, before I concentrated on the horrified boy.

"Do you mean I won't get tall if I don't eat vegetables?" Naruto asked with wide eyes, voice panicked.

"Yes I do," I told him sternly. "Look at me," I stood up. "I ate all my vegetables and look at how tall I am." Compared to the boy I was a giant at 5'11; I purposely ignored the fact that my height had a great deal to do with growth steroids in my food back home and genetics. He looked at me in awe before he dove into his vegetables, scarfing them down just as quickly as he had eaten the chicken. I sighed at such a bad habit. "You should also try to eat slower, it helps your meals last longer."

"What so you mean by that?" He asked with a mouth full of food, painfully swallowing once he had asked his question. His plate was now completely empty, and I took that as a sign of my good cooking. That or he was hungry.

_'Boys,' _I thought in the universal way of females everywhere. "You won't get as hungry if you eat your food slower, not too slow mind you. It has the added bonus of not costing as much as you eat less as well." I could see Naruto mull over my words. I doubted that he truly understood, but he might try to do it, like he had with the vegetables. If not, well, I can try again later. I finished my meal not soon after, and together we cleaned the dishes with only my humming and playful splashes as we played with the bubbles from the soap.

"That was fun," I told my empty apartment after Naruto had gone back to his own apartment to go to bed as he had school the next day. "It was weird to act like an adult, but Naruto is hard not to baby. I have no idea why anyone would call him a demon; he's too nice for that." The two of us hadn't really gotten into a deep conversation, mostly we had played around and talked about our classmates (me using examples from high school). From the way he described one kid, Uchiwa I think he was called, I would think the guy is a pretentious bastard, but I knew he probably isn't as bad as Naruto made him out to be… I hope.

I sighed and wondered what I should do now. I wasn't going to go to bed yet, having slept in this morning at the hospital. I looked around my living room, and realized that I needed to get something to occupy my time, like books or a job. I narrowed my eyes in thought, trying to think of what I could do here. _'Do they need line cooks here?' _I wondered. _'What would the uniforms…' _I trailed off as I realized I hadn't checked my wardrobe yet.

Pulling myself up from the couch I walked into the bedroom and stared apprehensively at the wardrobe. Slowly, as if to stop myself from panicking, I reached forward and threw open the doors. Inside I found a simple black trench coat with silk green lining, a multitude of simple shirts (long and short sleeves in different colours), black pants and a couple pair of leggings. There was also a pretty green kimono which had a note pinned to it telling me to wear it on a date.

I laughed at that, "Aphrodite bless her. Too bad I've never been on a date before, and I don't I'll ever go on one here." I sighed at that, depressing myself when I remember how my dad used to tell me how he would interrogate my first date. My mood didn't last for long as I continued to search my drawers, opening up the first one to find a bunch of socks, all the type I liked thankfully, a drawer filled with simple printed pajamas and I smiled at one that had pandas on it and the underwear drawer. There was nothing too racy, just plain jane cotton undies, which I thanked Olympus for.

I sighed with relief, before I noticed that there was another drawer. I frowned, "I wonder what's in that. I'm pretty sure I don't need anything else." I pulled open the drawer before gaping at the contents. Frills, lace and silk numbers filled the drawer and I couldn't stop myself from looking through it.

Holding up a small lace thong I couldn't help but wonder aloud, "Do I look like I need butt floss?" I set the scrap of fabric aside and continued to look through the things that Anko-san purchased. "Oh my goodness," I breathed after awhile, raising one hand to my mouth in shock. I'm pretty sure my eyes were bulging out of my sockets. "She bought me a dildo, oh my goodness." I had the offending object in hand, staring at it in a mixture of horror and hilarity. Eventually I put it back in the drawer, replacing everything I had taken out back in, and shut it.

Still in a state of shock, I got ready for bed, quickly sliding beneath the sheets. It wasn't too long before I began to laugh hysterically. It was too much, all the magic and death defying things people do here with little thought. The drawer was the last straw for me. I couldn't handle it, and decided to just laugh; it was either laugh or cry.

'_Gods above, Naruto must think I'm a creep,' _I thought as my laughing tapered to an end. And I began to drift to Morpheus' Realm. _'I want to go home,'_ was my last thought before I fell asleep.

But I couldn't, and I knew it.

_To be continued..._

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**Author's Note:**

Alright, so I've done the second chapter, and have started the third, but I'm not too sure where I want this to go... Like, should I have Akira like someone else before dating Kakashi or what? I don't know. Eh, let me know if you have any ideas, and my mind just collapsed.

Now because I'd like to know my readers (small in number though they are) I have a question:

What are your top five favourite Naruto characters?

Ja ne,

USMCcAnthem


	3. Chapter 3

_Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, that's someone else!_

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Legend:

"Blurg." - Regular conversations

_'Blarg.' _- thoughts

All conversations are to be read like they are speaking Japanese.

* * *

The next morning I was woken up by something poking my cheek. I swatted the offending thing away without opening my eyes. I pulled my sheet to cover more of my face, but frowned when something moved it away. "Go away Ninja," I mumbled to my cat. "Too early for cuddles."

Through my sleep hazy mind I heard someone snort and muffled laughter. Lazily I opened my eyes to see a mass of grey and black. Rubbing the sleep from my eyes, I looked again, and realized that I was seeing Hatake-san.

"AHH!" I shrieked, throwing myself backwards to fall off the bed with a dull thump. I quickly straightened myself, ignoring the fact that my feet had gotten tangled in my bed sheets, and peaked over the edge of the bed. "What the Hades, Hatake-san?" I asked him, quite peeved at the fact that he woke me up. When he just shrugged I sighed, "How did you get in here anyway?"

"The window," was his lazy response. My lips twitched in annoyance, all my windows were closed, and I lived on the fifth floor. He was either lying or he had some super ninja skills. Well, it would make sense considering the way he dressed. I ran a hand through my hair, pushing it away from my face before I stood up, carefully removing the sheets from my legs. "Why would you cuddle with a ninja?" Hatake-san asked, seemingly bored as he watched me stretch out my sleepy body.

I blinked, "Oh, well my cat was named Ninja." I told him as I went to my dresser to pick out some clothes for the day as it seemed like I wasn't going to get anymore sleep.

"Really?" He asked in surprise, and I turned around, clothes in hand, to see that his face was apathetic. "That doesn't sound very original."

I shrugged and looked at the clock, it was five am! "What the Hades, man?" I asked in shock. "Couldn't you have woken me up at a normal time?"

"This is a normal time," He stated apathetically. _'This is a normal time, really?' _I thought, dumbfounded. However the way his eye looking at me lazily caused me to realize that I was having a conversation with him in my pajamas. I sighed and went into the bathroom, not caring that I might be seen as rude. He did break into my apartment after all.

A little while later we left my apartment, going on a more detailed tour. An awkward silence (for me at least) permeated the air between us. During our walk about Konoha, I swore I could see Hatake-san reach for his pouch more than once before retracting it. I wondered what he wanted out of it, but I wasn't able to ask before Hatake-san started to speak.

"So, you're a civilian." It wasn't a question, but I was willing to take whatever I could get to remove the awkward silence.

"Yup," I said. "My parents weren't before I was born, but they retired early, something about married couples not getting paid as much." I was talking about the fact that both my parents had been in the army, heck that was where they met. My mom was just a cook for the Canadian military while my dad was SAS for the Brits. They'd met during a training mission (with my dad undercover) and gotten hitched a year later.

"Really?" Hatake-san asked with true surprise. "I didn't know some people got lynched for money because they're married."

At that point he stopped to point out that we were near some of the training grounds. _'Damn, they must be really pro-military,' _I thought. "Hmm, I don't know if they do that anymore Hatake-san." I watched with rapt attention as one man did some fancy handwork while shouting something causing a large fireball to shoot out of his mouth. "Wow," I said in awe, "You don't see that every day."

"Yes, it is very neat isn't it," Hatake-san said in an almost patronizing tone. "And call me Kakashi, Hatake makes me feel old."

I had to stifle a snort at the fact that he felt old; he had grey hair for Hermes sake. "Okay Kakashi-san," I said, humoring him. I turned back to look at the people fighting. It was like looking at a particularly violent dance. _'Yeah, I'm never doing that.' _I thought, tilting my head when one guy did a flip like thing in the air. _'I don't even think I can bend that way, and I was one of the most flexible people in my age group.'_ "Can you do that?" I asked Kakashi-san in disbelief. I doubted that he could, but he did disappear in a cloud of smoke like it was no big deal, so who knows.

"Yes," he answered in boredom. I turned to him in awe, but blinked when I noticed he was holding an orange book in his hands.

I peered closer to read the title, "Icha Icha Paradise." _'Hmm,' _I mused, _'It's probably like those porn novels my mom used to read so much. Trying to hide it as a romance, ha, romance my ass.' _"Is it any good?" I asked curiously. I read one or two of my mom's books back home, it would be good to read something familiar.

"What?" Kakashi-san asked, dumbfounded. His visible eye was wide, and I could tell his mouth was dropped open in shock through his mask. However, he was able to quickly collect himself. "Do you even know what this is?" He asked as the sounds of battle dimmed to nothing.

"Ah," I blushed and ducked my head, not noticing that the men on the training ground had paused to listen. "It's a porn novel, isn't it?" I asked, suddenly uncertain.

"It is," Kakashi-san agreed jovially. "And you want to know how good it is?" He asked, repeating my question from before.

I nodded my head, confidence back now that I knew for sure what the book is. "I want to know if it is good, so that I may read it." There was a sound of liquid spurting out of a facet and I turned to see the two guys practicing covered in blood, passed out and drooling. I shuddered at the sight of the blood, before pushing it out of my mind so that I could worry about their health. "What the Hades? What's wrong with them Kakashi-san?" I asked, panicking. I fluttered my hands about and stepped forward and back, not really sure if I should help. I wasn't any good with first aid though and there was so much_ blood_, so I calmed down to turn to Kakashi-san to see if he would be of any help. I noticed right away that there was a glazed look in his visible eye and his mask seemed to be getting wet.

"Um, Kakashi-san?" I asked. When I got no reply, I poked his arm lightly and asked again in a louder voice, "Kakashi-san, are you alright?"

"Huh," He grunted, blinking (or was it winking) at me in shock before he shook his head. With a quick motion that I could barely see, he changed his mask for a new one, stuffing his old one in his pouch. "I'm fine now," He told me.

"And them?" I asked, referring to the two passed out guys on the training field.

"They'll be up soon," He told me, easily waving off my concern. He then motioned for us to continue walking.

"If you say so," I muttered uncertainly, casting one last look to the two guys before they were no longer in sight. After a while, I asked once more, "So is the book good?"

"Aa, yes, it is," He said hesitantly. "Though, there aren't many female readers. Most girls tend to beat up guys if they read it in their presence." He scratched the back of his head in a sheepish manner, and I could guess that he had been on the receiving end of one too many beatings.

"That doesn't really make sense to me," I told him as we made our way to the city proper. "Girls are just as big of perverts as men. An honestly, I'd rather have a guy reading a dirty book over staring down my shirt. But maybe that's just me." I shook my head at the absurdity of the women of Konoha. Not only do they have super powered ninja-like people who jump five story buildings in a single jump (yes, I am still trying to get over that) but the women also repress their perverted tendencies. Those poor, poor women.

Kakashi-san chuckled as he led me by the hand idly through the busy streets. "I'm sure you're the only one who thinks that," He told me. "But if you really want to read it, I'll get the first book for you." He motioned me to a BBQ restaurant, and we made our way to it. I was getting hungry anyway.

I smiled at the masked man, "That would be wonderful." I gave the hand holding mine a squeeze in thanks. It would be a way for me to remember my mom, weird though it may seem. Then again, my parents were weird, I mean, look how I turned out. I chuckled mentally as we entered the busy restaurant. I inhaled the scent of BBQ sauce, and my mouth watered. No matter the fact that I worked around the scent for two years, I still loved it.

Kakashi-san dropped my hand as a waiter came up to us. "Hello Hatake-san, for two?" However, before Kakashi-san could reply a loud voice shouted, "Hey Kakashi, over here!"

I turned to see a tall, tan skinned man with brown hair and a beard. He wore an outfit similar to Kakashi-sans (which made me guess that it was some sort of uniform, as I'd seen many others dressed the same) and was standing next to a booth with some strangely dressed people. One was a regal looking woman with wild black hair and a red and white wrap dress that looked quite attractive on her. The other was a man with a bowl cut, large eyebrows and a spandex green suit.

"Yo," Kakashi-san greeted with a two fingered wave as he walked towards the group of people, motioning me to follow him.

"Ah, it is my eternal rival!" The man with the bowl cut cried. "And he has a beautiful flower with him! My flames of youth must be spreading! My darling flower, my youthful name is Maito Gai!" He yelled and probably would've talking even more, but was cut off by the woman.

"Hello Hatake-san," The woman greeted coolly as we got close to their table. Up close, I could see that she had red eyes. _'How peculiar,' _I thought. "And who's this?" She asked with a regal nod to me. _'Who shoved a stick up her ass?' _I wondered with amusement, not letting it show on my face.

"Yamichi Akira," I said neutrally, bowing to her as was custom, I noticed the calculating glint in her eye as I came up from my bow. "Pleasure to meet you."

"Oh are you two on a date?" She asked slyly, looking at both of us in turn. The two other men looked at us speculatively. "We're sorry for interrupting you if you are." She said politely.

I was confused, _'Why would they think we're on a date? Do we look datey do them?'_ "Um, no…" I said, drawing out the answer. "What did you say your name again?" I asked, trying to change the subject.

The woman looked disappointed, but answered politely, "I didn't, and I'm Yuhi Kurenai." She held out a hand to me, and I grasped it firmly. For someone so regal, she had the hands of a hard worker. "You're not a ninja," She said in surprise, I guessed my hand was too smooth or something. The man with the beard looked at me in surprise, but the other just began a rant on youth. I ignored him with well honed practice, not to be rude, but because he was quite distracting.

"No I'm not," I said cheerfully and sat down at their table when Kakashi-san poked me into a chair. "Never really wanted to be, even as a child; though I did want to be a pirate at one time," I continued, not really noticing what I was saying. I jumped in surprise when they burst into laughter, like I had told a funny. I guess to them I had.

"So, what is there to eat?" I asked as they calmed down and a waiter came to our table when the rest sat down.

Later, full of delicious BBQ, I let the conversations of the three others (Kakashi-san was reading his book) wash over me. Asuma-san, Kurenai-san and Gai-san (they had asked me to call them by their first names) all worked together with Kakashi-san as a part of the military force of Konoha. Well actually, I had gathered during the conversation that they were "ninjas" though not in the commercial sense. They could be loud and bright; with many explosions and fancy techniques. I wasn't quite sure what to think, but then again, I wasn't quite sure of the military back home. So long as I wasn't a ninja, it wasn't really my problem, even if they did recruit children. Still, I wondered how they did their fancy attacks, as the guy at the training ground had no special equipment with him when he made a fireball.

I was pulled from my thoughts when a loud crash came from the kitchen. The sound in the restaurant died as they listened to what was going on.

"That's the fifth time this week Toshiro!" A woman's voice yelled.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," A panicked male voice replied. "I'll get better, I promise!"

The woman was having none of that though, "You said that when I hired you, but no longer! You're fired Toshiro! And don't come back unless you're paying for a meal!"

"Fine!" The male voice shouted back. There was a slam of a door, and then all was silent.

Soon a woman came from out of the kitchen. She was a plump woman with a kindly face and brown hair pulled into a sloppy bun on her head. "I'm very sorry for causing such a show," She told the restaurant with a bow.

"No problem Akimichi-san, we all knew you were having trouble with Toshiro-kun!" An elderly patron yelled back, getting a chorus of nods in agreement.

Akimichi-san let out a belly laugh that was joined by some of the patrons. "Thank you so much, if you knew someone who'd be willing to work as a line cook, then you'd make my day!"

Personally, I thought that was way too coincidental. Maybe Sarutobi-san had set this up for me to work here. But before I could think much on it, Kakashi-san shoved me out of my chair saying, "She'll work as a line cook!"

"Ah, really?" She said, and the rest of the restaurant turned to look at me. I blushed and nodded, _'Eh, why the heck not?' _

"Yes, I worked at a BBQ place back home for two years as a line cook before I moved here." I told her seriously. I really did need a job, no matter how suspiciously convenient.

She looked at me critically before saying, "Come back here tomorrow at eight and we'll see if you have a job here."

"Hai, Akimichi-san." I said seriously as she went back into the kitchen and sat back down in the booth glaring at Kakashi-san. "I'm not sure whether to hug you or slap you." I said conversationally as he peaked over the cover of his book to look at me.

"Hug him definitely," Asuma-san told me with a big grin. "It would be more entertaining for us."

"Maa maa, no need for that," Kakashi-san said in his bored and apathetic way. "Really Akira-san should be happy that I helped her get a job." He said with a wounded look in his eye, though his voice didn't change a bit, ruining his acting.

"I don't even know if I'm actually going to get the job," I told, pointing a chopstick I had begun to fiddle with at him. "For all you know I'll be kicked out before I even enter the restaurant tomorrow."

"I'm sure you'll be fine," Kurenai-san told me soothingly in her own icicle way. I nodded in response, even though I was inwardly panicking. Would I be good enough to work in this ninja filled world? "Well, I have to go," She told the group. "Anko is waiting for me."

Asuma-san sighed and took out a lighter and stuck a cigarette in his mouth, Kurenai-san glared at him, but he pretended to not notice. "I'd best be going home too; I have paperwork to fill out." Eventually they all filled out of the restaurant, each saying good-bye in their own unique way and Kakashi-san and I were all that were left.

We walked the down streets, with me making sure to remember the shops and other such landmarks so I wouldn't get lost in the morning. I was humming "One way or Another" by Blondie under my breath as we walked to help me remember the mental markings I made. We were soon at my front door, with Kakashi-san leaning against my door frame reading his orange book.

"I'll help you get to Akimichi's BBQ place tomorrow," He told me in his bored manner. At that moment I wanted to strangle him; he probably knew that I had been marking the way too. Bloody ninjas.

Instead of ranting on his ass, I just said cheerfully, "Thanks Kakashi-san." Then I walked into my apartment, hearing him close the door with a muttered, "Bye."

I flopped down on the couch and sprawled unattractively with a sigh. It had been a long day and it wasn't even dinner yet. However, the day wasn't done as someone knocked on the door. Calling whoever was outside to come in, it soon opened to reveal Naruto-kun (as I had begun to think of him) in all his energetic glory. With a smile I waved him down to sit next to me and tell me about his day. I wasn't quite sure what to think about the fact that the little ball of sunshine was already so comfortable with me to visit me after school. But as he talked about his day at school and how his dream was to be Hokage one day, I couldn't help but smile once more.

Maybe living here wasn't going to be so bad.

* * *

Thank you to:

**DragonSlayer2187:** Thank you so much for the review and yes, she is a pagan! ;)

**Bass Music Lover Forever:** Haha I can see why you would find those characters cute. And I like your idea! I'll try to see if I'm able to add that without sacrificing the humor! :)

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**Author's Note:**

So I realized in last chapter that I never actually had Naruto introduce himself. It was like she just suddenly knew his name, so I went back and changed that; nothing groundbreaking. It's just very awkward otherwise.

There are also some similarities between Akira's parents and Anna Hall's (of "Starting Something Not So Normal") parents. That is because they are the same people, just AU versions (I really like them alright!?). So, Ken has the name Angus, where he originally had Hall, because he takes his step fathers name. He previously had decided at the tender age of two (precocious, I know) that he hated his step father more than his actual father, so hadn't changed his name in the Not So Normal universe. Kathy had a similar upbringing to NSN cannon, but when entering the army decides to be a cook like her mother wished instead of becoming a dental assistant. These changes cause them to have their child three years earlier (Anna being born in 1997 and Akira being born in 1994) causing the magic gene to skip over Akira for another generation. Due to Akira not having a magical gene she isn't as separated from her peers, so she manages to get one friend during her elementary experience and two during high school. Ken and Kathy also have no reason to become so interested into the paranormal are not ghost hunters, though Ken does keep to his roots and becomes a Pagan, taking Akira with him, thus the way she swears (ie "Hades" instead of "hell); even if the main reason was to annoy his mother-in-law. And yes, I do have too much time on my hands...

Anyway, I'm actually enjoying writing this. It's kind of like a happy fun time fic for me to enjoy what I write because I'm writing as me! So that's it in a nut shell...

Tschüs!

USMCcAnthem

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My Answer: 1. Kakashi 2. Shikamaru 3. Naruto 4. Konohamaru 5. Minato (yeah, I don't like the female characters too much... I basically only like Kushina, and that's it)

Question: What's the weirdest way you've ever been woken up?


	4. Chapter 4

_Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, that;s someone else!_

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Legend:

"Blurg." - Regular conversations

_'Blarg.' _- thoughts

All conversations are to be read like they are speaking Japanese.

* * *

Whoever said ninjas were cool was on some kind of drugs. They weren't cool, not one bit. No, they were insane! Who would willingly wake up at four every morning just to work out for HOURS? Ninjas, that's who. I was very thankful that Kakashi-san seemed to understand, if only to a minimal amount, that waking up at four wasn't a normal time. The fact that I got to sleep in until six like I usually would was also greatly appreciated. Actually, I didn't get to see Kakashi-san until seven thirty when he knocked on the door.

"Yo," he greeted as he read his book. I would've felt offended if I hadn't done the same thing many times over to my friends growing up. I returned the greeting, yawning slightly as I locked the door behind me. I hoped that I looked alright, as my mom had always stressed that you should look nice for a job interview. However, I didn't have many of the things that I had at home, so I had to make due with a simple black shirt, black pants and the nice trench coat. I'd not really done anything special with my short brown hair, I could barely pull it up into a ponytail, let alone do anything fancy with it.

"Are you sure I'll be able to get a job?" I asked Kakashi-san nervously. I was tugging at my lip in my worry, and I could barely stop myself from biting my nails like I had as a child.

"You'll be fine," He told me as he put his book away. He grasped my arm to stop me from stumbling when someone bumped into me. "Come on, or you'll be late." Kakashi-san said, pulling me into the right direction. I was very thankful that I had a long stride or he would've left me in the dust.

With the pace Kakashi-san made, we were able to quickly make our way to the BBQ restaurant with time to spare. We were greeted by an enthusiastic Akimichi-san who waved me in and told Kakashi-san to stand outside.

"Thank you for meeting with me Akimichi-san, my name is Yamichi Akira," I said politely with a bow. I smiled at her as I stood straight, nervous, yet unwilling to show it.

"Such a polite child," She said happily with a wide grin. "And call me Sachiko, please sit down."

"Only if call me Akira, Sachiko-san." I responded as I sat down across from her. My inner-chibi (which I decided to have, since I was in a land where people made fireballs out of thin air, so why not have one?) was sweating bullets waving a white flag in surrender. However, I was calm and collected on the outside. The interview was very different from the one I got back home. Instead of the standard: "When did you have to work in a group, and what did you do?" Type of questions, they were: "If a shinobi (_'Is a shinobi a ninja?'_) threatened you to give him food, what would you do?" It was a very strange interview all in all, but it ended on a good note.

"Well, I'm glad to say that I'd like to see you working here," Sachiko-san said with a kind smile. "When would you be willing to work?"

"Umm…" I would've said anytime, but with Naruto seemingly wanting to come over every night after school, I'd have to make sure that I was there for him, at least once or twice. "Any time on the weekends," I said, so that I'd be able to work during the dinner rush then. "And anytime before the Academy ends during the week."

"Oh," Sachiko-san muttered, surprised. "I didn't know you had a child."

"I don't," I rushed to correct her. An eighteen year old mother with a child in the Academy already, holy Hera! "It's just that my neighbour goes to the Academy; he's an orphan see, so I want to be there for him."

Sachiko-san clapped her hands together, "Well, then I'm definitely going to hire such a sweet thing like you. Come on, I'll give you a tour of the back of house before anybody gets here."

And just like that I was hired as a line cook at Akimichi's BBQ House and walked out thirty minutes later to see Kakashi-san being glared at by a number of the female populace as they walked past his lounging form. He had his little orange book out, and seemed to be giggling at a certain passage.

"Hey Kakashi-san," I said as I walked up to him and was slightly disappointed that he didn't jump; however, not too much as he was a ninja. "I got the job!" I said happily, a grin nearly splitting my face. My inner-chibi (which was merely for my own amusement) fist pumped epically.

Kakashi-san looked up from his book and smiled at me with is visible eye, "I told you that you would." He quickly stuffed his book into his pouch and grabbed my arm to lead me who knows where.

"Yes, but you saying it and it actually happening are two different things." I told him, shaking my head. "Either way the interview was so different from what I did at home! We don't ask questions about what happens when someone demands food! Or if we're going to get knifed! Or spied on! It just doesn't happen that often to us little people ya know," I rambled quickly, and my words started to run together. "It's just, you know what, I don't know." I said with a sigh.

"That's nice," Kakashi-san agreed as he pulled me into a book store.

"Thanks," I said absently as I stared at all the beautiful books. They were so new and shiny and, and, book-like! My inner-chibi was drooling and near comatose at all the possibilities of foreign literature. I let Kakashi steer my pliant form over to a section filled with simple coloured books with "Warning: Mature!" stickers on the front of them. He grabbed one like his own and went to the counter.

"Do you want anything more?" He asked me quietly, as though trying not to bring the glaring cashiers attention to me. I nodded and he motioned for me to get some things. I quickly perused the shelves with the ease of a practiced shopper and managed to grab a simple cook book (I needed some different foods), another romance novel and an action novel that seemed quite thrilling. With that I placed them on the counter and smiled at the clerk.

As she rang up the books I heard her mutter, "How sweet of you to buy your girlfriends books, even if you do buy porn. And she's so clueless." I was very confused; I didn't act like anyone's girlfriend. I haven't even had a boyfriend before! How does one not act datey-like? I need lessons.

"She was weird," I told Kakashi-san seriously as we walked out of the store.

He nodded in agreement, though I guessed he was just humouring me, "Quite." He handed me the bags, the cashier having separated the porn novel from the rest, and walked me back to my apartment. "Do you need anything else today?" He asked as we walked down the crowded streets. I tilted my head in thought, but eventually shook my head. "Are you going to spend time with Naruto tonight?"

I looked at Kakashi-san in surprise, as I hadn't mentioned that I had met Naruto, before berating myself for feeling surprised. Of course he knew, he was a ninja. I think I should make a sign that says: "It doesn't matter what's secret or impossible; they're ninjas, they break the rules and make awesome." Or maybe not, that might be one of those things that sound better in my head.

"Yeah, I'm going to make sure he eats properly." I said as we walked into my building. "He eats ramen like it's going out of style. I mean, I have nothing against ramen, I love it really. But there's a point where there is too much ramen, and he reached it years ago." I ended my mini rant with a small laugh. "Besides, he's such a nice kid and I don't mind having him around, keeps me from missing my home."

"You miss your home?" Kakashi-san after a moment of silence, meaning we had already reached my door. He opened the door for me, having gotten my keys from me at some point. I grumbled a bit at that as we entered my surprisingly still clean apartment (amazing I know!).

After placing the bag of books on the counter and shucked off my trench coat and sat on a stool while Kakashi-san stood leaning against the counter beside me. "Yeah I do," I said with a sigh. "Everything is so different here; it's so magical and blatantly violent that I just don't know how to deal with it. Especially since my parents aren't here. I was still living with my parents before I got here." I told Kakashi-san conversationally. He looked at me with his lazy eye and I didn't really care that I was telling my thoughts to someone who didn't seem to care, "Pitiful I know, but I didn't want to move out yet. I still needed to grow up, you know? Though it seems being thrown here did that for me. Forcibly removing me from safety net does that I guess." I put my head in my hands for a moment, trying to stop the tears that threatened to break through. I was eternally thankful that Kakashi-san didn't offer me comfort or touch me. I wasn't one who offered hugs to people on a whim. Heck, my priestess had made it her duty to get me used to random hugs.

Eventually I was able to pull myself together to look at the grey haired man beside me, "You going to stay for dinner?" I asked as if I hadn't just had a mini-meltdown.

"Aa, why not?" He said with a careless shrug and a waved him to the couch to get comfortable.

"What do you want for dinner anyway?" I asked as I went to open the fridge. "I'm not all that picky and Naruto-kun will eat anything so long as it smells good." The fridge was way smaller than the one I had at home, and was packed full of food, mostly vegetables. I picked up one type, and wondered just what the hell it was. _'Does this taste good?' _I wondered, taking off a bit of it and tasting it. "Ugh," I said after I finished chewing, it was very sticky but had a similar taste to a green bean or cucumber. "Okra," I said looking at the small little green things. I didn't like okra back home, so I didn't recognize it at first but it had to be used soon.

"Don't like Okura?" An amused voice said from the couch. I turned to see Kakashi-san lounging on the sofa with his eye in a "u" like shape.

I shook my head, "Not so much, do you?" I asked hopeful, as I might be able to get him to eat it. I didn't want to have the nasty little things in my fridge any longer.

He shook his head at me, but told me when I looked I was going to cry, "I don't mind them though." I perked up, no more okra in my fridge after today!

'_Go Akira, you're so awesome!' _I sung in my head, having my inner-chibi do a happy dance. Then I got back to business; figuring out what was for dinner. _'How did my parents do this?' _I wondered as I stared blankly at my fridge. _'Oh right, they asked me.' _I snorted indelicately; I had forgotten that my parents had asked me what we should have for dinner all the time. I now knew what they felt like, but I can't ask Naruto-kun what to eat – Ramen would be his answer – and Kakashi-san was no help. I closed the fridge and went hunting in my cupboards to see if there was anything there. I started humming the mission impossible theme song, enjoying the chuckle I heard from the couch; now if only finding dinner was as easy as entertaining Kakashi-san.

By the time Naruto-kun came barging into my apartment, I had decided on some plain rice, okra (for Kakashi-san), honeyed carrots (for me and Naruto-kun) and to fry up a couple of steaks that I seasoned.

"Hello Naruto-kun," I greeted him cheerfully, patting him on the head as he came close to me. He gave me a wide smile full of teeth before he launched into a description of what he did at school that day.

"Hi Akira-san! We had sparing today, so I did what Mizuki-sensei told me when I was paired up against Shikamaru, but the lazy ass beat me! I'll show him one day, you'll see!" He exclaimed loudly, fist pumping, before he continued. "And today I told Sakura-chan how pretty her ribbon looked, but she looked sad! Then she beat me up! I don't know what I did wrong Akira-san!" He wailed in despair, and I found the way he was able to go from extremely happy to depressed entertaining.

"Well, maybe this Sakura-chan has a story behind her ribbon?" I suggested lightly, and turned to see Kakashi-san watching our conversation intently. I looked at him inquisitively, but he just shook his head and motioned for me to focus of Naruto-kun.

"Huh? What do you mean, Akira-san?" Naruto-kun asked clueless. _'Poor boy doesn't understand,' _I thought in amusement.

"Well, she might have a bad memory connected to her ribbon," I suggested, even though I had no idea who this Sakura-chan girl was. I moved to start the okra as Naruto-kun seemed to ponder my words.

He frowned in thought before he asked confused, "Why would she wear something if it has a bad memory?"

I sighed, and turned to look at him, "I once used my granddad's wallet all the time." He cocked his head, looking like a kitten or a baby fox and I smiled, "But I only got it after he passed away, so I would get upset sometimes, but I loved him so I used it." When he still looked confused I turned to Kakashi-san for help.

Naruto-kun followed where I looked and jumped up with a loud yell, "AH! When did you get here?" I jumped when he yelled, having not realized that the boy hadn't realized that Kakashi-san was in the room. I sighed and turned back to the stove before I burned anything, Kakashi-san could handle Naruto-kun.

"I've been here the whole time," Kakashi-san said patronizingly. "You're not a very good student if you didn't notice me." I rolled my eyes at that, _'Yes, the Academy student wasn't able to detect the twenty-something year old man who has years of experience on him. Gee, I wonder why?' _My inner-chibi snickered at that, and I wondered if it was getting its own personality. _'Should I be worried?' _I pondered before listening on the conversation behind me.

"Why are you in Akira-sans apartment anyway?" I heard, and I guessed that I had missed a bit of the conversation while I was thinking.* "I bet you are one of those pedophiles she was talking about!"

I choked on my spit when I heard that, and began coughing (thankfully facing away from the food).

"Ah! Akira-san, are you alright?" Naruto-kun panicked, I couldn't see him through the tears in my eyes, but I could bet he was flailing around. "I bet this was your fault!" He accused the only other person in the room.

"Are you alright Akira-san?" Kakashi-san's voice said from beside me. I just waved him off as I got my coughs under control. I wiped my eyess with my shirt sleeve and cleared my throat.

"I'm fine," I said roughly. "I just inhaled spit through the wrong tube," I wasn't going to say that I was so shocked that Naruto-kun called Kakashi-san a pedophile that I choked on my own spit. "And Kakashi-san is my guide Naruto-kun." I told the boy, if only so he didn't start making other absurd accusations. "I invited him for dinner, so be polite." I told him sternly.

The boy, who had still been pointing at Kakashi-san, stopped to rub the back of his head sheepishly. "I'm sorry Akira-san," He muttered dejectedly, a blush spreading across his cheeks.

He looked so much like a kicked kitten that I broke down, "No, it's alright Naruto-kun." I smiled when the boy gave me a wide grin, "You were just surprised, and besides Kakashi-san doesn't mind do you Kakashi-san?" I turned to the older man with a look that said: "You better agree with me."

"Hai," He said apathetically, and I gave him a small smile. I turned back to the food, and started to quickly make sure that nothing had burned, plating the food that was done.

"Both of you sit down, dinner is almost ready," I told the two males, and they obeyed in their own ways.

I gave a smug grin and thought, _'It's good to be queen.'_ My inner-chibi sat on a throne with a large crown on its head.

After dinner, I ushered to two out of my apartment, making Naruto-kun promise to do his homework and Kakashi-san that he would be there at nine so that I could find my way to work. It's not all that well broadcasted, but I'm horrible at finding something. I'm not eternally lost, as if I do a certain route enough times (around five), I'm able to find my way, but the first couple of times I'll end up going in the completely wrong direction. I will find it eventually, but I'll be three hours late.

Now that I was alone, with nothing to pressing to do as the Naruto-kun and Kakashi-san had done the dishes, I decided that I would finally read _Icha Icha Paradise_. I took the little orange book from the bag and relaxed on the couch, cracking the spine and dived into the story.

It was a nice way to end a day.

* * *

*Conversation when Akira is distracted:

"I am so a good student!" -Naruto

"Yes, I'm sure your grades reflect that." -Kakashi

"I don't have to take this." -Naruto

"I'm sure." -Kakashi

"Shut up!" -Naruto

With thanks to:

**Bass Music Lover Forever: **Thanks for the compliment, I like reading my story as well (and yes, I had a moment where I cursed the author for not updating right away before realizing that it was me... *sweat drops*). And I can so see my dog doing that, that wouldn't be the greatest way to wake up. Eugh, dog breath! :p

**DragonSlayer2187: **That is hilarious! I honestly was thinking of that when I asked the question but I've never seen that actually happen to people before. Thanks for liking my character *gushes* but I'm not sure if she would make a good ninja as she has civilian level chakra reserves (in my mind), and she is a little too old for training. I could do anything to make it work, but so far I don't see it happening.

**Alice-Italy-Haruhi:** I can't imagine how that would be like, having never been slapped myself...

* * *

**Authors Note:**

So Akira gets the suspicious job! And she gains an inner-chibi, which may seem weird. But I remember reading this fiction that had Kakashi have an inner chibi and it just seemed so funny to me that I decided to have one. Author's perks and all that.

Anyway, so I was reading Kakashi's page on Narutopedia, and Kakashi is basically a bad-ass. I had a hard time not writing: "I love you! Oh gods you're so awesome! Have my babies!" Like a complete fangirl. Pathetic, I know.

Updates from now on will be far apart from each other, due to the fact that I'm rewatching the series (all the way from the beginning) to keep my characters in character. So sorry about that, but it must be done! When I wrote chapter five the first time, I complete forgot about Naruto meeting Konohamaru! That's blasphemous!

Ah well, that's it,

USMCcAnthem

* * *

Answer: I once took a nap during a swim meet as I had a large amount of time to wait between races. However, the meet was very busy (hence the time between) and there wasn't much space to lay down, but I did it. The space factor led to me waking up with someone sitting on my back, getting their stuff out of their bag. And I do mean putting all their weight on me, sitting. He then proceeded to have a conversation with me while still on my back.

Question: What is the weirdest thing you've been accused of being?


	5. Chapter 5

_Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto!_

* * *

Legend:

"Blurg." - Regular conversations

_'Blarg.' _- thoughts

All conversations are to be read like they are speaking Japanese.

* * *

"Hey Sachiko," I greeted my employer as I walked into the empty restaurant. I'd been working at the Akimichi's BBQ place for the past two weeks, and I always loved being there in the mornings.

"Ohayo Akira," The plump woman greeted with a kind smile as she finished placing all the chairs back on the floor. "Kyoko-chan is in the back prepping, I'm sure she'll need some help."

I laughed at that. Kyoko-san was a lovely woman in her early twenties who was absolutely beautiful. Anyone would be envious by her figure, her long, silky black hair and clear, porcelain skin, but she wasn't the fastest worker in town. She did manage to do a good job of whatever she did, but it would take three times as long for her to do it.

Walking to the back, I pushed the curtains away to see Kyoko-san staring at a squash like it had done something particularly nasty to her. "Need help?" I asked cheekily, pulling on an apron that was hanging near the opening and going to sink to wash my hands.

"Ah, Akira-san, if you could you would be a life saver," The other woman exclaimed happily as she smiled beatifically at me. I rolled my eyes, but gave her a smile in return as I took the squash from her hands and proceeded to cut it up.

We worked together, with me doing the brunt of the work, for the next two hours. Chatting with Kyoko-san reminded me of my friend Harman, who wasn't the smartest person in the world, but certainly one of the nicest. It was easy to laugh with the Asian woman who would giggle at every pun I would throw at her. It also boosted by ego, but only the proud grin my inner-chibi wore was evidence of that.

"Hey Akira-san, have you read the new book in the Rose series* yet?" Kyoko-san asked as she washed her hands in the sink, her time in the kitchen over. She had a large blush spread across her cheeks, slightly embarrassed to be talking about a romance novel.

"Hai, I have," I nodded as I closed the walk in fridge door behind me. I'd gone to the library and found some books to read, one of them being the first book of the Rose series and devoured them.

The Rose series was about a group of friends who had gone to Yugakure no Sato to visit the famous hot springs and ended up mixing up with a bunch of ninjas (all male) and fell in love. Soon the girls had to leave back to their home town – after some vigorous rounds of love making that was always amazing, no matter if it was the girls first time – and the ninjas promised to see them again. There were five girls in total, and after the first book (where they were at the hot springs) their stories branch off with each girl going back to a different home town. The reason it is called the Rose series is because the ninjas make sure the girls know they have come to visit by leaving a rose and the whole thing is incredibly romantic. There are still two books in the series to come out, but so far I had really enjoyed _Flowers Forever_, which was the funniest one yet.

"Did you like it?" Kyoko-san asked wide eyed. She'd been asking me for recommendations of the books she was about to read, if only because I'd probably read them first, having always been a quick reader.

"Like what?" Sachiko asked she came into the kitchen giving the two of us a smile when she noticed the prep being finished. Before I came along, they would have to do prep all the way through the day, with Toshiro-san being horribly clumsy and Kyoko-san so slow. I was happy to know that my working at the restaurant helped out, as I didn't want to be a bad worker.

"The newest book of the Roses series, _Populous Pollen,_" I told the bigger woman as I leaned against the counter. "It is quite good. Not as funny as the second one, but Sayuri's negative attitude is entertaining to read sometimes. Of course, I don't want to say any spoilers, but I really enjoyed the ending." I smirked at the two women who looked slightly frustrated that I wouldn't tell them the ending. They were similar to me in the way that they tended to read the ending before reading the rest of the story, which is really the only way to read in my opinion.

However, we were soon too busy to talk more on the subject as people began to pile into the well known restaurant. Kyoko-san was a waiter most of the time so we didn't get to talk much as she came back and forth with more orders. My lunch break was my only time to relax and my inner-chibi cursed the ninjas and their high metabolisms. It was never this busy back home; at least for not this long. By the time my shift was over, I was hobbling down the street and near ready to cry for someone to carry me.

Of course Kakashi-san then popped up out of nowhere and gave me a heart attack. I glared at him tiredly as I pushed a piece of brown hair out of my eyes. "Was that necessary?" I asked angrily.

"Yes," The lazy man told me as he looked at me critically. "Hokage-sama ordered me to tell you that Naruto will be eating with him tonight."

I blinked up at him blankly for a moment before nodding. "Okay, that's fine." I rolled my shoulders back and winced at the cracking sound they made. But it felt so good that I couldn't complain.

I heard Kakashi-san sigh and felt his hand on my arm before he began to lead me in the opposite direction of my apartment. Blinking stupidly, I let him lead me, too tired to protest. When we ended up at another apartment, I guessed that he was taking me to his home, but why?

"Take a seat at the table," The man told me, and I gratefully collapsed on the chair, sliding bonelessly onto the table. I placed my head onto the cool wood and gave groan in relief. "Long day?" I peaked up through my lashes to see Kakashi-san looking at me as he cut up some vegetables.

"Hai," I breathed out harshly. "You ninjas eat so bloody much. I didn't have half as much work back home during the rush that I get during the lull here." I closed my eyes so that I could relax more. "At least I get to go to the hot springs tomorrow."

"You are?" I heard the chopping stop as he asked the question. He sounded as apathetic as ever, and I was too lazy to open my eyes to see if he looked surprised. Not that I'd be able to tell anyway, stupid mask… For all I knew he'd asked my boss my schedule and everything she had planned.

My inner-chibi narrowed its eyes in thought before nodding; apparently believing that Kakashi-san had indeed done that. "Hai, I am Kakashi-san." I stretched my back like a cat and yawned a bit before snuggling a bit more into my arms. "I've never been to a hot springs before; a hot pool similar to a hot springs, but never an actual one. I think it will be fun," I mumbled into my arms, not really caring if he heard me or not.

I felt something whack me on the head and I jolted up to glare at Kakashi-san. "Don't fall asleep on me," He chided me as he walked back to the stove. Apparently he had hit me with the wooden spoon in his hand. "And just call me Kakashi, there's no need to be so formal Akira-san."

I glared at him some more, but I sat up properly and crossed my arms over my chest. "I'll only call you Kakashi if you just call me Akira," I argued as I stared at him move gracefully around the kitchen. At no point did I check out his ass; nope, not me.

"Alright Akira," He agreed easily and I conceded with a sigh. Though I hadn't grown up using such formal language, being here for just over two weeks had gotten me used to it. It wouldn't be a challenge per say, but it would be different than what I had grown used to. I let my head fall against the back of the chair as I slouched, not really wanting to deal with a conversation. _'What would we talk about anyway?' _I mused as I stared at the ceiling, _'About the way the green onions were sliced or maybe how I managed to get BBQ sauce on my face?' _I huffed out a laugh but didn't move from my spot. _'Is that a foot print? How the hell do you get a foot print on the ceiling?'_

I was jolted out of such stimulating thoughts when I heard the sound of plates being placed in front of me. My eyes widened and my mouth watered as I realized that it was miso soup. I quite enjoyed miso soup… okay, so I've loved it since I first tried it, but that wasn't the point… Umm… what was the point again? My inner-chibi shook its head at me sadly, and sweat drop appeared as I decided just to eat.

I didn't glance up at Kakashi during dinner, content to eat. Though I've heard – from Sachiko and Kyoko-san – that some people tried to see what Kakashi looked like under his mask, but I don't understand why. It's obvious that he doesn't have some horrible disfigurement, the mask is form fitting, and he has a nicely shaped face. He must be handsome. Inner-chibi swooned before making a cut out of Kakashi without a mask and glomping it; I snorted into my empty plate.

"Everything fine Akira?" Kakashi asked me, and I looked up to see him eying my lazily.

"Hai, everything is fine," I said nonchalantly, trying to ignore the fact that my inner-chibi was doing a tribal dance around the cut out Kakashi. I coughed into my hand and tried to stop a blush from appearing; my inner-chibi was so embarrassing. "I just thought of something funny is all," I added when I noticed that he still stared at me. "I'm done anyway."

He nodded and I joined him in washing the dishes, mourning my dishwasher back home. I'd had to wash the dishes in Foods class, so I wasn't rusty at it, but I never had to do anything more than stick the plates into the washing machine before walking away. It depressed me that there wasn't any here in Konoha. "So, besides it being busier than back home; how do you like work?" Kakashi questioned as he placed a pan into the soapy water.

I smiled at him and grabbed the dish towel that was hanging off the cupboard door. "I like working there quite honestly. My co-workers are much better here and I get along with them better." I rinsed off the pan he passed me before I worked on drying it. "I didn't mind where I worked back home, but the atmosphere in the back wasn't all that great. Here it's always friendly and fun, I think I'm becoming good friends with Kyoko-san."

"Hmm?" He hummed and raised his visible eyebrow at me. I rolled my eyes at him, but answered the unasked question.

"Kyoko-san is a waiter, sweet woman. She reminds me of one of my friends back home: Harman Singh." I rolled my neck as it began to cramp up a bit. "Harman's a funny girl, always laughing at something. She wasn't very book smart and sometimes had a harder time understanding things, but she was always there for me when I needed her or willing to talk." A tear trailed down my cheeks; I hadn't even known that I was crying. I sniffed and wiped my eyes before continuing my task. "I miss her, but Kyoko-san is a good person too, so I think she would make a good friend."

"That's good," He told me as he passed me another dish. "You need to have more friends than just me and Naruto. It's not a healthy thing." Kakashi looked seriously into my eyes to portray what he meant.

'_He thinks that we're friends,' _I thought happily. I had begun to enjoy having the apathetic man around, and was overjoyed to realize that he didn't mind my company either. Of course, I wouldn't say that aloud so instead I settled for an eye roll. "Yes kaa-san," I deadpanned, enjoying the way he sputtered for a moment before shrugging it off. After that we chatted of simple things, Kakashi telling me of challenge Gai-san had tried to get him to compete in and winning it in the end. I was laughing as he finished the tale.

"Gai-san is hilarious," I told him as a large smile spread over my face. "I can't believe that he would challenge you to twenty games of Jan Ken Pon to see who is the better ninja." I gasped as I collapsed on the couch, holding my stomach as it tried to rebel. I was not going to throw up because something is so bloody hilarious. "Oh Zeus, stop talking Kakashi," I told him as I grabbed my stomach, voice becoming more serious as I said, "Or I'll be sick." I hunched over on the couch, pressing my forehead against my knees in the feeble hope that it would settle my stomach. It didn't work unfortunately as my stomach went from being annoying to seriously wrong. I gagged as I felt bile coming up my throat and had to swallow before I up turned my dinner.

Kakashi's eye looked at me worriedly, though I'm not sure if he was more worried about me or the upholstery. "Just lay down on the couch," He ordered me, and watched me to make sure I did as he told. "I'll get something from the bathroom; just make sure you don't do something to upset your stomach."

I nodded and watched him walk out gracefully. Sighing, I sunk into the cushions and tried to relax my stressed body. I didn't particularly appreciate the fact that my dinner was trying to go up the way it came; I liked my dinner.

"Take this," Kakashi said from behind me, and I saw him holding a bottle with a spoon. How he had gotten it without making a holy racket I didn't know. I took the spoon and carefully poured the foul looking liquid onto the spoon, quickly swallowing it so that I wouldn't have to taste it. "Good," Kakashi said decisively as he took the bottle back. "You'll stay with me for the rest of the night, to make sure you're okay."

I made a move to protest this, but his stare was quite intimidating, so I backed down.

"I'll grab you a shirt to wear to sleep and get the couch ready for you to sleep on," He told me as he walked back into the bathroom to put the bottle back.

Later on, I was standing in the bathroom, staring at myself in one of Kakashi's shirts. It wasn't too large, for I wasn't a small person, but it worked well enough as a sleep shirt. I yawned and expected the bags under my eyes; I guess I've been pushing myself too hard, too many long shifts. Tired and not particularly worried about my modesty I walked back out to the living room, happy to see that Kakashi had made the couch as comfortable as it could be. I waved at Kakashi and slipped between the sheets, snuggling in and soon falling into Morpheus' realm.

**.**

**...**

**.**

I woke up with a sigh of annoyance when my shoulders decided to cramp up. I hadn't had a bad sleep and I guessed that whatever Kakashi gave me had some sort of sedative in it for that to work. It was obviously no longer working or maybe my annoying habit of waking up at six every single day has finally turned into some kind of super power... Why couldn't it be a cool one though? Grumbling a bit, I moved around, hoping for a bit of reprieve, but when nothing worked I sighed once more and opened my eyes…

…And then promptly screamed.

* * *

_To be continued…_

* * *

*I was bored so I made this for all those that wish to know more about _The Rose Series:_

_Blooming Buds: _Rin, Hikari, Sayuri, Jun and Izumi have decided to have a holiday from their busy lives. Travelling to Yugakure no Sato from their different villages, the five are expecting to catch up with each other and enjoy some time relaxing in the hot springs. They didn't expect to fall in love with some travelling ninjas. Just how will their vacation end?

_Flowers Forever: _Rin had loved her vacation with the girls, but now it is time to head home. How will her heart survive parting from Daiki, a ninja from Yukigakure, who she had fallen in love with? When roses begin to show up in her home, she doesn't know what to think. Is it that creepy bakers son who seems determined to make her his, or is it someone else? And will she ever see Daiki again?

_Pretty Petals: _Hikari had always been a normal girl from a farm town, but her perspective on life changed when she went on holidays with her friends. Now she must deal with an aching heart, one which belongs to Eiji, a rogue ninja who has run away from the Hunter-nins. Trying to get back into the normal pace of life, she resigns herself to be engaged to Kenta, a man her father wishes her to be with to merge their lands. However, when Eiji begins to visit with a rose to remember him, will she be able to put duty before her heart?

_Populous Pollen: _Sayuri hadn't been happy with her lot in life before she went on holidays with her friends with the last of her money. She'd been cheated on by her long time boyfriend and fired from her job, but now she comes home with a new perspective on life. Using the money sent to her Hiro, a jonin from Konoha, she starts her life anew. With roses appearing on her doorstep every month, she couldn't be happier. But when her moods start to shift and her tastes beginning to change, will she have to deal with something even more serious than finding a new job? And will Hiro be willing to put his career on the side to help her?

_Wilting Corpses: _Jun had been excited to see her friends once again, and to take a vacation from her hectic life as a ninja. But when she falls in love with the mysterious jonin, Tadashi, she is thrown through a loop. With new missions, a new enemy who seems to know all her secrets, and the mystery surrounding the bloody roses that she finds in her home, what is a girl to do? How will she be able to cope with death of her partner when all signs turn to her lover as the culprit? And just where is Tadashi from?

_Sturdy Stems: _Izumi has always been the column of support to her family and friends, but when she goes on vacation and meets the strong and handsome Mamoru, she finds someone to support her. Back home she deals with her sick father, deviant brother and the advances of a childhood friend. With nothing but roses planted outside her window to remind her of the one who'd be strong for her, will her strength crumble? Can she put her life on hold for a man who she might never see again?

* * *

With thanks to:

**DragonSlayer2187: **Punk librarian, not something you see every day. Haha. Anyway, thank you for the compliment, I do like my sarcasm; it is my lifeblood. And yes, I am trying to keep it as close to canon as possible. Akira is just a civilian. She will have a great deal of run-ins with the main cast, but nothing she does will be all that earth shattering. I find it more realistic that way.

**Bass Music Lover Forever:** It's funny isn't it? I mean, I made Naruto have no real understanding of the word and Kakashi is the type of person who wouldn't react in a very obvious way that it was just too good to pass up. Being called a stalker is something tossed around quite a bit with my friends during high school, and it's pretty funny when you see their reactions. As for a nickname, well, I've never really been one for nicknames (hate them actually), but I guess the closest I get to having one is May. So you may call me May... (that last bit was just horrible.)

**Alice-Italy-Haruhi: **I feel your pain, I truly do. While I've not been called a cross dresser, I have been mistaken for being a boy because I wear unisex clothes and short hair. This leads many to call me "sir" or "mister" when talking to me.

**Beldak:** Thanks so much for the compliment! ^.^ In regards to your question - which I'm happy you asked - you have to remember that this is very much a self-insert fic. And as a person who tends to go with the flow as much as possible, I would probably accept that I was in a completely different place and just try to latch onto the first thing that seemed familiar. For Akira that is her job, books and Naruto, who takes the place of her family. As for why the Hokage never talked to her about her past life is because he doesn't know it. Shocking I know. You may be wondering how they could not, they looked through her memories? Well, Inochi wasn't looking for her mysterious past, he was trying to figure out how she came to be where she was and her overall personality (what shaped her and such) to see if she would be a threat. I don't think that the mind reading technique would be very precise, so only glimpses would be seen of her life (with nothing explicitly strange popping out besides speaking a different language, which would help with the theory of living somewhere other than the main elemental countries); her memory of ending up in the Naruto world would be a flash of light which would be seen as a jutsu. Besides why would the Hokage spend a large amount of his time speaking to a civilian while being the leader of a _ninja village _when he knows that she wouldn't be a threat? He has better things to do, like paperwork. If this doesn't fulfill your entire question, just pm me and I'll explain it in more detail if you wish.

* * *

Answer: I've been accused of being many things. The funniest for me is when I was accused of being someone's sister; let's just call him Wally Wilson. I had put up with the accusations for about four months, yet never met the other boy. I'd asked repeatedly just who they were talking about, and they would point to a crowd of boys and say "That one." (Yes, because I can totally tell who you were pointing at.) So, I hadn't met Wally until my second semester of my eighth year when we shared a class and he sat next to me in alphabetical order by last names. Someone (let's call him Nigel) asked Wally and I if we were brother and sister. Wally and I then turned to each other and said "Yes," in all seriousness and then proceeded to act like brother and sister. We were complete strangers, yet we managed to fool Nigel until we got tired of acting. The annoying, yet slightly funny, thing is that Nigel – and several others – who had asked had gone to school with Wally for _seven years _and he had _never _mentioned having a sister. Yet, all of a sudden I show up in grade eight and everybody assumes we're related.

Question: What's a funny moment you've had with your friends?


	6. Chapter 6

_Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto!_

* * *

Legend:

"Blurg." - Regular conversations

_'Blarg.' _- thoughts

All conversations are to be read like they are speaking Japanese.

* * *

_Last Chapter:_

_Grumbling a bit, I moved around, hoping for a bit of reprieve, but when nothing worked I sighed once more and opened my eyes…_

…_And then promptly screamed. _

_Continued…_

Eyes wide, I stared at the animal masked person standing over me, bringing the sheets close to my body as though they were a shield. A door was slammed open to reveal Kakashi standing in the doorway with a knife looking thing in his hand. I stopped my screams as I ran out of breath. _'What the Hades is with this place?' _I thought hysterically as I curled up into a ball.

Kakashi looked absolutely terrifying before he noticed just what I had been screaming at. "Oh… Usagi, what do you need?" He said in his calm voice, and I minutely relaxed from my position on the couch because Kakashi recognized the person.

_'Who does he think he is? Zeus?' _I demanded mentally, my inner-chibi glaring at nothing in annoyance. _'Who just stands there and stares at a person?'_

"Hokage-sama informed me that he needs to see you." The masked person stated in a near monotone, still not turning their face away from mine. "I did not expect to see a civilian in your house." The damn person was still looking at me!

"I see," Kakashi said neutrally. _'I see? I SEE? What the fucking Underworld HATAKE?' _I screamed mentally, my inner-chibi going crazy on her cardboard cut out of Kaka- no Hatake. I'm not going to call him Kakashi if he finds being stared at by a guy in a mask while you're sleeping totally fine. There are horror movies about this back home! Hatake then turned to me, ignoring the creepy dude, looking like he hadn't just barged into the room looking to kill. "Akira-san," He said calmly – _'Akira-san, eh? Well two can play at that game, Hatake-san!' _– "I'm sure you need to get home and ready for your day at the hot springs."

"Ah," I said jumping off of the couch, not caring that I was half naked, to hurry about the room. "I'd almost forgotten Hatake-san!" I didn't look at him as I said this before pulling on my pants. I so wasn't worried about his reaction, nope, not at all. "I'll be going then, soredewa mata*!" I then bolted out of the door, carrying the rest of my stuff with me as I ran, well it was more like jog, down the stairs.

I wasn't running – okay, so I was jogging – from the scary masked ninja.

Lies, I tell you, lies.

**.**

**...**

**.**

Half an hour later I stood outside my work, eying the people around me suspiciously. I was still _slightly _twitchy because of my wake up call, and for all I knew the creeper was anyone. I didn't know what he, or she, looked like without the mask! So, it was perfectly fine for me to scream and jump into the air when I felt a hand come down upon my shoulder.

"Ah!" The person behind me screamed in a very female and very familiar tone. I whirled around to see a startled Kyoko-san, her brown eyes wide in shock.

"I'm so sorry Kyoko-san!" I babbled, bowing repeatedly, having not meant to scare her. "I'm still on edge from this morning. I woke up to see a creepy person standing over me in a mask. They were just staring at me while I was sleeping! Who does that, eh?" I ranted while Kyoko-san quickly calmed down and smiled at me awkwardly.

"I'm pretty sure that Kakashi-san didn't mean it like that," Kyoko-san said while blushing. "I know you went over to his house and had, well, relations." She coughed delicately into her hand while I just stared in disbelief. "That doesn't mean you should get upset if he wants to look at you while you sleep, or that you should be offended that he wore a mask during your… relations." She finished her statement with a nod, hands on her cheeks in embarrassment at having said all that. Behind her, some of the other full time staff had arrived and agreed with her, looking at me angrily.

My mouth was open in shock before I broke down laughing. I bent over my knees and just laughed, ignoring the startled looks from the others. My inner-chibi was going nuts, rolling around on the ground? Does my mind have a ground? Well, she was laughing and rolling around with tears streaming down her face at the hilarity. After a couple of moments I was able to collect myself enough to say, "Ha, well, I wasn't talking about him! HA! No, I was talking about one of Sarutobi-sans guards, you know them." I waved vaguely to an animal masked figure that was patrolling, enjoying the looks of shock on the others faces. "And I didn't, ha, have sex with Kakashi-san! Why would you think that, eh? We aren't dating! We aren't sexually together! No doing the dirty or the beast with two backs, or the horizontal taijutsu!" I was waving my arms frantically while I paced back and forth, trying to get them to realize that I wasn't in a relationship. "I'm single, he's single and we are just friends. He's my guide for Konoha and all that. I didn't have 'relations' with him last night, just dinner because I was too tired to do anything for myself. I stayed because I got sick and he wanted to make sure I was okay. No sex, no lovey dovey shit, got it?" I asked them all seriously.

I received some disgruntled nods, and could tell that those were from those who either loved to gossip or enjoyed a good romance while Kyoko-san did a repeat of what I'd done no minutes before.

"I'm so sorry Akira-san!" She bowed and hung her head in embarrassment. "I'd heard it from Mai-san that you'd gone to his apartment and that you never left. She also mentioned that you were quite loud last night," I smirked at the fact that someone had thought our laughter constituted to a good romp in the sac, though I did marvel on how fast news spread here. "And then she told me that she saw you running home in nothing but one of his shirts and a pair of pants at an ungodly hour in the morning. I'm so sorry for thinking what I did!" Her face was a bright red colour usually seen on ripe tomatoes, and she looked so sad that I couldn't just stand there and watch any longer.

"It's okay Kyoko-san," I told her, patting her back awkwardly. "I know you didn't mean it badly. Honestly, that is quite the compliment. I mean, have you seen him," I paused to imagine Kaka-Hatake, before realizing I was still mad at him and shook my head. "But it's okay, alright? We aren't going to worry about it." I gave the other female a large smile, "Besides today is for relaxing, eh?"

"Correct Akira!" Sachiko cheered as she came out of the restaurant, a large grin on her face. "Now, let's go to the hot springs before it gets too busy, hm?" She asked happily as she began to walk toward the Hokage tower where the hot springs were located.

Everyone started excitedly forward while I made sure to stick close to Kyoko-san, having only had the building pointed out to me lazily by Kaka-Hatake-san when we were walking through Konoha that one time. "So, besides my marvelous amazingness of somehow making Kakashi-san bed me, how are you?"

"Akira-san~" She whined, hands on her red cheeks. "You're so embarrassing."

I snickered and nearly tripped over a stone on the floor before righting myself, "Sorry, sorry. But seriously, how are you?"

Kyoko-san sighed, "I'm alright, but I had to listen to Mai-san make fun of me for half an hour to get that information out of her." She rubbed her stomach for a moment in some remembered pain. "She hates the fact that her boyfriend left her for me a couple years ago."

I looked at her curiously, having not heard the story. "What do you mean?"

"Oh," Kyoko-san was the picture of surprise as she stared at me. Blinking, she moved a piece of dark hair out of her face before saying, "I forgot that you've only been here for two weeks. You don't act like you're new." She shook her head as though gathering her thoughts. "Well, three years ago I went to a bar for the first time, but I had a bit too much. I ended up going home with Mai-sans boyfriend and doing, as you put it, the horizontal taijustsu." She scrunched her nose up at the saying and I laughed at her expression. "And I thought ended up pregnant so Taki, Mai-sans boyfriend, broke it off with Mai-san because of it. However, I found out I wasn't pregnant and broke up with him, but Mai-san still blames me for everything."

"Huh," I said softly, having not thought that Kyoko-san would have such a past. I scrutinized my friend, noticing how worried she was before deciding to lighten up the mood. "Well, Mai-san should know that it takes two to tango, eh Kyoko?" I said with a snicker.

Kyoko let out a relieved laugh, and I could see her eyes soften a bit in thanks. "If only everyone viewed the world as you do Akira," She joked. I noted happily that she was also comfortable with removing the suffix.

"If they did, nothing would get done," I said with a snort before giving a teasing grin to Kyoko. "Come on now, or we'll be left behind." I motioned to the group of other workers currently putting distance between us.

"Oh no," Kyoko said worriedly and reached out to grab my hand to drag me ahead. I gratefully let her and we didn't let go of each other's hands when we caught up.

**.**

**...**

**.**

I had the towel wrapped loosely around my body, not at all bothered by the fact that I was surrounded by other half naked females. I walked into the bath area and smiled when I saw the traditional Japanese layout. It was fascinating for me, and I decided to not putter about and dropped the towel and walked straight into the hot water. I drifted through the water until I found a place to sit and relaxed with a long sigh. Closing my eyes I leaned back and let myself drift off for a moment. I smiled when I heard Kyoko giggle from beside me as the water displaced.

"You're so strange Akira," She told me as I opened my eyes to look at her.

"'Course I am," I said seriously before cracking a grin. I rolled my shoulders back as they loosened in the hot water and let out another drawn out sigh. "Why am I weird again?" I asked after a pause.

Kyoko giggled again, and I heard another of the other full time workers do the same. There is a total of eight full time workers including myself; there's Sachiko, Kyoko, me, Fumiko-san, Arya-san, Kenji-san, Taichi-san and Yamato-san; the others were part time.

"Because you walk around naked like it's nothing," Fumiko-san said flatly. She was from the Aburume clan, but wasn't a ninja for some reason I didn't understand. Pale and dark haired, she usually wore a large coat to hide her features and sunglasses, so it was weird for me to see her face bare, not that her expression gave anything away.

I blinked at her, "Oh." I pursed my lips in thought before remembering one of the perks of being a swimmer. Poseidon, only two weeks in and I'm already forgetting my old life. "I swam back home quite often so I'm used to getting changed and being naked around others."

"Swimming?" Arya-san asked with a tilt of her head. She was quite young with long brown hair and a cute face; she honestly looked like a puppy all the time with her naturally large eyes. "Why would you do that?"

I scratched the back of my head in thought as Sachiko joined our group, "Eh, I guess to stay in shape." I shrugged when I got odd looks, "We don't have ninjas back home so we stayed in shape differently. Some swam, some ran or played team sports. There were a lot of options."

"You weren't from a ninja village?" Sachiko asked in shock, and I realized that the same expression was shared by the others, though it was hard to tell with Fumiko-san. "No wonder you were so confused during our interview. You'd probably never heard half of those questions."

I laughed a bit at that, "Yeah, that's true. You should've seen me freak out at Kakashi-san, it was probably pretty funny." My inner-chibi blushed with embarrassment at my antics as I mimed me freaking out. It really has no room to talk; I still remember its tribal dancing!

Kyoko smiled at me in amusement, "I'm sure, but I still find it hard to believe that you didn't live in a ninja village, you don't act like it." Fumiko-san and Sachiko nodded, while Arya-san joined a group of younger girls that had just entered the hot springs.

I shrugged with a smirk, "I'm just awesome like that." But I rolled my eyes at my own boasting and explained further, "Really, I just roll with it. I'm only here because of an accident and I decided to focus on the things that matter to me, and not worry on a whole. Oh Hades, you should've seen me the first day, I was walking around staring at all the people jumping on rooftops with awe. Gods, I still do that sometimes!"

Kyoko and Sachiko laughed while Fumiko-san smirked. After that we spent a bit of time just learning about each other. I ended up finding out that Sachiko is actually the wife of the Akimichi clan head and had been a ninja before retiring to take over the family business. An interesting fact I found out about Fumiko-san is that she apparently didn't have enough "katra" – whatever that meant – when she was younger, which is why she isn't a ninja like the rest of her family. I still find that she needs to cover up her entire body while being completely emotionless kind of freaky. Soon we all got out and got changed back into our normal clothes. Well, there was one mishap when one of the guys accidentally walked into the girls change room, spotted me, and then collapsed due to an epic nosebleed. I've never seen anything like that out of the anime's Aisa used to watch.

Later, everyone but Kyoko had already left to get on with their daily lives, but me and her were wandering around looking for a place to eat. "I don't want barbeque," Kyoko said simply. "And I don't want dango or sushi."

"Well that limits things," I said with a small laugh. "How about we go to this ramen bar that my neighbor is always talking about?" I suggested with a smirk as I steered us to the area Naruto had dragged me towards a couple of times before I managed to change directions. Ichiraku's Ramen stand was really close to the hot springs (and easy to find) so we got there in no time to enter the nearly empty stand.

"Hello, how may I help you?" A pretty girl of twenty asked with a polite smile. She had her brown hair done up in a bun and a simple dress on with an apron over top.

"I've never had fresh ramen before," I said while I looked at the menu board to find something similar to the packaged ramen I ate at home. "But I guess I'll go with a beef ramen. Can't go wrong with the basics, eh?" Kyoko ordered a pork ramen and we waited together for our food. However, the peace didn't last long as Naruto-kun came barrelling into the stand.

"Hey Nee-san, give a pork ramen!" Naruto-kun demanded as he sat down next to me without looking over.

"Alright Naruto-kun," The girl who had taken our orders giggled as she went to the back to work on the orders with the old dude in the back.

I looked over at the clock hanging on the wall, and noticed that Naruto-kun should be in school at the moment. "Hey Naruto-kun~" I sing-songed, and watched with glee as the blond boy froze to stare at me in comical horror.

"H-hey Akira-san," He stuttered out nervously. "Wh-what brings you h-here?" He scratched the back of his head and darted his eyes around as though trying to avoid looking at me.

"Oh you know, this and that," I said nonchalantly, sending a smirk over to Kyoko who had a hand over her mouth to stifle her giggles. "But really, shouldn't I be asking you that? You should be at school right now?" I quirked an eyebrow at the now sweating boy as my inner-chibi cackled with joy at terrorizing him. It must be a sadist or something, but I would never act like that… Is it just me or did it get hot in here?

"Ha ha, well… um…" Naruto-kun obviously wasn't prepared to answer the question, but fortunately for him, the food was ready and we all began eating. After Kyoko and I finished, with Naruto-kun already on his third bowl, I decided to introduce the two.

"Kyoko, I'd like you to meet my neighbor." I motioned to the blond boy who stopped eating for a second to wave. "Naruto-kun, this is Kyoko. I work with her and she's recently become a good friend to me." Of course the boy took this as an invitation to tell the dark haired woman his life story. Rolling my eyes, I watched to two talk seriously and shared a look with the waitress.

"Is he always like this?" I asked the girl, who obviously knew Naruto-kun quite well from the way she acted earlier.

"Hai, he is," She said with a giggle. "I'm Ichiraku Ayame by the way, but just call me Ayame." She bowed to me and I bowed back as I introduced myself.

"Please to meet you Ayame-san, I'm Yamichi Akira and call me whatever you wish." I smiled at her before deciding to get to know her a little better, as I had a feeling that I would be coming to the stand more often. "So, how long've you known Naruto-kun?"

Yeah, I learned that Naruto-kun spent the majority of his money on ramen. Not that I didn't know that before, but I wasn't aware of just how much. I couldn't blame the kid though, especially when Teuchi-san came out from the back and began to talk to him. The friendly atmosphere would be good for him.

However, soon we were all finished and ready to go. I waved goodbye to Kyoko as I walked back home with Naruto-kun at my side. I'd let the whole skipping school thing go for now as I had no real way to stop him. How do you tell a kid who's not yours that they are getting grounded? How do you tell a kid who lives on their own that?

Well, at least today was pretty good: Kyoko was now becoming one of my closest friends, I'd got to spend the entire day relaxing and I hadn't gotten lost once!

I think I'm getting the hang of things.

If only things stayed the same.

* * *

_*Soredewa mata _is a formal way of saying "see you later" according to my japanese grammar book.

* * *

**With thanks to:**

**DragonSlayer2187: **Ha, that would be a blast! I bet the people looking at you funny were just jealous, as who wouldn't want to be high on sugar while playing with Nerf guns? XD Also, I'M SO SORRY! NO NOT THE TOMATO! *Ducks tomato and starts to cry as it hits my laptop* Noooo!

**Raziel104: **Nice one, that would be pretty hilarious. I love those moments when you mean to say one thing and another comes out, especially when it's not me. :)

**Alice-Italy-Haruhi:** In middle school? Goodness, what are people teaching their kids (jokes). I could see something like that being in one of those so-stupid-they're-funny movies.

**Bass Music Lover Forever: **Ah, the smart-ass, the thing every high school needs. The fact that your teacher needed to be corrected so much is just sad, but falling out of your chair while laughing is too good. XD

**xxRyuu-himexx: **Okay, lets get this done. Chapter 2: THANK YOU! It's nice to know my character is appreciated and I'm happy to know that someone thinks Kakashi is the only one for Akira (well, at least in this universe). Also, you favourite characters are awesome (and I'm not just saying that because they are similar to mine). Chapter 3: I know, I loved writing that! It was something that I was looking forward to since the beginning! And that would be so awkward, I don't know who to feel more sorry for, you or the guy you fell asleep on. Chapter 4: Hehe, pedo!Kakashi is hilarious to everyone. That's horrible, why would anyone think that? I'd like to think I wasn't that silly as a kid, but then I'd be lying to myself. Chapter 5: I'm so sorry, but I had just left it off, but it looked funny and that was just too hard to resist! Please don't hate me! *hides under table* Health ed class sounds like fun, goodness some things people talk about,eh? I wish I had that much fun... Ha, I just realized that those guys took a pissing contest to a whole new level. Pfft.

* * *

**Author's Note:**

Alrighty, I have to say this one thing or some people might go wacko on me: Akira is not having a lesbian relationship with Kyoko. I know, you may be wondering where the hell that came from, but I had someone read it over for me, and they thought that because Akira and Kyoko held hands for a long period of time and started to call each other by normal names that there was a hint of yuri in my writing. There is not. Am I the only one who has friends who like to hold hands/hug a lot? Or is it just me? Yeah, that's where I got that from.

Also, you may be wondering why the sudden hatred towards Kakashi? Have you not gotten angry at your friend for something insignificant? I have... a lot. But besides that, it really does play an important (well, not important, but relevant) part in the plot. So, don't kill me, I already have enough trouble trying to get the tomato out of my keyboard. :)

This story is on page 12! What does that mean? Well, you know how when you search for a story? If you go onto the Naruto area, use the search criteria: Favourites, All ratings, English, and OC for characters; this story is on the 12th page. XD So thank you for all those who have favourited/following this story! I hope I don't disappoint you!

Yes, that does mean I have too much time on my hands,

USMCcAnthem

* * *

Answer: Okay, so at the pool I swam at there was a second floor, with an area (in the pool and in the lobby) where parents could look at the swimmers without being in the way. Me and my friend were sitting up there for some time just watching this guy from diving after practice. Now this guy was ****ing hot, with the perfect musculature, six pack abs, sex smile and was tall and just mmmm~ So, we were both drooling like crazy when a couple of our other friends came up and started to talk to us, asking us what we were staring at. And we described the guy and I had to go and say, "I would totally lick his abs." And all my friends were like "O.o For real?" And then they started to tease me about saying it. Considering that those types of thoughts usually stayed in my head, and many people thought I was naive (which I do admit to being to a point) they were obviously shocked. I never heard the end of it.

Question: What's one of the silliest fights you've had with a friend?


	7. Interlude and Omakes

_Disclaimer: I am not the proud owner of Naruto, though I do sadly own Inner-chibi and her craziness._

* * *

An Interlude with the Hokage:

The Sandaime Hokage puffed on his pipe as he relaxed in his chair. His gaze was directed to the windows situated in his office, even as he addressed the other person in the room, "Usagi, report." He was short and to the point, something that was necessary with the ANBU corps.

"Akira Yamichi. Civilian. Age 18. From Places Unknown. Watched by Kakashi Hatake, Jonin. Age 25. From Konohagakure." Usagi began in a monotone, going over the basics that most everyone already knew. Usagi was annoying in that they tended to go by the book, sometimes being a little too literal when it came to following the rules or orders. "Akira is currently employed at Akimichi's Barbeque Restaurant as a full-time line cook. She is seen being familiar with her boss, Sachiko Akimichi, as well as Kyoko Moon – age 22 – who also works with Akira.

"There have been numerous reports from other ANBU members detailing that she has been seen with Naruto Uzumaki – age 11 – buying groceries and keeping him from causing havoc. She has been noted to call the boy, Naruto-kun, stemming from either his age or closeness to the other."

The Hokage then interrupted his subordinate to add, "It's from his youth, since – from what Naruto has told me – she has been calling him that since meeting him."

Usagi bowed, showing no emotion, before saying, "Thank you Hokage-sama." He then continued on with the report. "There have been some speculation in regards to where Akira has come from, due to reactions of the nins in the village, and I conclude that she was not from a hidden village prior to coming to Konohagakure. Also, a number of rumours have been spread about Kakashi and Akira being in a relationship, something forbidden due to Kakashi's mission, but I have found that both use formal terms of address when speaking to each other and seem to be in more of a business relationship."

The Hokage then raised a hand and stopped whatever else the masked nin could say. "That is all I need to know for now, Usagi. Thank you, you may go." And with that, the nin disappeared with a poof of smoke, leaving nothing behind.

Hiruzen leaned back in his seat with a sigh once the other was gone and stared balefully at the paperwork on the desk. He did not move or start when a masked ninja slid through the window and walk languidly into the room. "I thought the plan was to make her feel more comfortable," Hiruzen said, showing that he indeed knew the other was there. "This was supposed to be an easy, relaxing mission for you, Kakashi; especially since you keep on finding a way to dodge personal leave."

Kakashi gave a somewhat sheepish chuckle before he explained, "I kind of made Akira mad somehow. I think it's because she's a civilian and I didn't handle a situation the way a civilian would've appreciated."

Hiruzen said nothing as he picked up a pen and began to sign the paperwork in front of him. The room was silent for a moment besides the sounds of a pen scratching against paper.

"I forgot she was a civilian," Kakashi said, and the sound faltered for a moment before continuing on its rhythm. "I didn't think she was a ninja; she's too clumsy for that. But Akira has a way of disregarding things and throwing me off guard, that I forget that she hasn't lived in a ninja village all her life." He sighed and closed his eye for a moment, "She's very odd."

The Sandaime Hokage nodded, and continued on with his paperwork, ignoring how the other man stood up and exited through the window. While he had originally worried that Akira would be a threat, even after her mind had been sifted through, he knew that she wouldn't be. Oh, she might be just what he was looking for, but for now he was content to let things happen. He was a busy man after all, and there were many nins he had to look after…

"NARUTO!" Hiruzen heard from outside his window and let his eye twitch in irritation. He'd had such a peaceful two weeks, but it seemed the reprieve was finally over.

**.**

**...**

**.**

Omake 1: Language Use

Akira's inner-chibi was something the young woman wasn't all that worried about. Sure it was beginning to gain its own personality and was a little violent and strange, but nothing mind blowing.

That is until her inner-chibi began to talk.

_**'What the (beeping) (beep) is with that (beep)?'**_ Inner-chibi raged as she punched out a copy of the cashier who had decided that she was going to make Akira's life as hard as possible. _**'If I was you, I'd go ape (beep) on her ass and (beeping) drive my foot so far up her (beep) that she won't be able to function 'cause that stick up her (beep) will be in her brain!'**_

Akira tried to ignore the profanity as she weakly smiled at the cashier. "Are you sure you can't help me?"

The cashier sent her a disinterested look and drawled, "Yup." Then the woman turned to her girly magazine and ignored Akira.

_**'Let me at her,**_' Akira's inner-chibi said darkly as she held a chainsaw in her small little hands._** 'It won't hurt… for us. MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!'**_

Akira then walked away as fast as she could, ignoring the evil cackling inside her head, and the odd looks she got every time she jumped at something her inner-chibi would say.

Nothing would ever be normal again.

**.**

**...**

**.**

Omake 2: The Adventures of Calf Man and Mask Man

"FEAR ME VILLIANS, FOR I AM **CALF MAN**!" Akira choked on her spit when she heard a familiar voice shout. _'Calf Man?' _Akira thought with dawning horror. _'Damn, I knew I should never have told Naruto about my high school days.'_

Yes, the reason why Gai-san was currently shouting that he was Calf Man was her fault. For when she was in high school there was one boy in the school who had very large calves; mostly due to the fact that he was goalie on his hockey team. But he was also very cocky, and thus people picked on his calf size for years until he finally decided to poke fun of himself. Thus led to Halloween '11 when he dressed up in spandex and a cape declaring that he was Calf Man. He ran around the school flexing his calves and using his 'calf power' to destroy villains (otherwise known as homework).

And she told Naruto about it.

"Hello Gai-san," Akira said tiredly as the green clad man jumped in front of her and Kakashi-san. He was wearing a very similar outfit to that which her classmate Josh had worn, except in green and orange. "Or is it Calf Man?"

"HELLO FAIR MAIDEN!" Gai-san shouted with a pearly white smile. "AND YOU ARE INDEED RIGHT TO CALL ME CALF MAN! BUT NOW I MUST FIGHT THE VILLIAN WHO HAS YOU IN HIS CLUTCHES!"

Somehow, the fact that Gai-san thought Kakashi-san was a villain didn't surprise her.

Kakashi-san looked up from his book for a moment with a bored eye before he made a funny hand gesture and standing in his place was…

"I am Mask Man," Kakashi-san said apathetically as his attire changed from his uniform to black spandex that proclaimed his title. "And I will beat you."

"NO, I SHALL BE THE WINNER OF THE FAIR MAIDEN!" Gai-san yelled.

Kakashi-san blinked.

"NO!"

"It will be me."

"I WILL WIN!"

"No me."

"NO ME!"

"No me."

"NO ME!"

"No me."

"NO ME!"

"Yes, you"

"YOU WILL WIN!" Gai-san shouted with a fist in the air, before he deflated as he realized what he said. "DAMN YOU MASK MAN! I WILL BEAT YOU ONE OF THESE DAYS!"

Kakashi-san just blinked.

Akira sweat dropped as she watched the man run away with a dust cloud behind him.

* * *

**With thanks to:**

**DragonSlayer2187: **I've definitely done that before. If you've heard of the book "D.U.F.F" which is an acronym for Designated Ugly Fat Friend, I said that my friend could be the main character (who was the DUFF). However, what I meant was that she was like the very pretty main character as she had a similar personality (except for the whole having sex and stuff thing). Thankfully she was just pulling my leg about being upset, but only after I spent a couple minutes panicking. As for Naruto moving in with Akira, I'm not sure if I'll be able to squeeze that in. I can change their relationship to be a more brother-sister type, but I think having them living together wouldn't be a good thing as Naruto is still very independent. I don't know. I definitely think about it though. And I hope you continue to like the chibi moments because this won't be the last you see of her! *cackles madly* Oh, and thank you for the can of air, it was very helpful! ^^

**Firestripe49:** I did that with my mom over a line in Harry Potter... turns out she was right, but I'll never admit it to her (I think she's forgotten about it by now, it has been three years). Haha, I bet with that your little sister is winning! Thank you so much for the compliment! :D (Is it sad that the only fact that she's a civilian is because I'm afraid of writing fight scenes?)

**Alice-Italy-Haruhi: **That would be really hard to win. I have enough trouble trying to decide if Kakashi or Makoto (from Free!) is more sexy. It's really hard.

**CeresMaria: **Anko is awesome, and I will be having her show up later on! *shudders at thought* Please, no my brain shall never be the same. And really, rabbits are terrifying! O_O

* * *

**A/N:**

Hello! I'm alive and still working on chapter seven! So, since I'm taking forever, I decided to give you a little peace offering so that you don't all kill me! o_o"

Anyway, I hope this explains more about why Kakashi is looking after Akira, and more about ages and basically when this takes place. And that you like the shift in inner-chibi because she will be a bit more vocal (literally) in later chapters! ;)

Thanks for the support,

USMCcAnthem

* * *

Answer: This wasn't just one fight, but hundreds. I had a friend when I was younger who I would see everyday because her mom babysat me. But you see, I have this problem. If I hang out with someone for more than six hours (now shortened to three as I aged) I tend to get very short tempered. So the conversation everyday before I would get picked up by my mom was:

"Shut up! I hate you!" - Me

"I hate you too!" - Friend

"We'll never be friends again!" - Me

"We never were friends!" - Friend

And when we saw each other the next day we were best friends again... We were really strange, I know.

Question: There is no question for this chapter 'cause it's not really a chapter. Sorry!


End file.
